Chili Weekend

Will and I like to make huge batches of different soups.  We freeze half (in Tupperware) and eat it weeks or even months  later.  We eat like kings for a week or two on the other half, normally feeding at least a few friends along the way.

Yesterday I put the beans into soak.  My mom swears that if you rinse the beans, boil them for three minutes, and rinse again before soaking over night, your beans are less gassy.  It’s worth a try, right?

As I filled the giant bowl with water* I noticed some of the beans were all shriveled up and wondered if I normally remove the bad ones, as I’ve read one ought to do.  I started pawing through the beans and as I searched for bad ones, more and more started popping out as bad.  Indeed, I could find an imperfection in about one of every ten**! Continue Reading

thou shalt not covet another man's (or woman's) party

Last night I went to the best party I have ever been to.  It was an open house thrown by the local, organic catering company Devoted Catering by Aimee Alan.

I hired Devoted for an event I coordinated for the Berkeley Student Cooperative last year.  The food was excellent.  I remember when I was first talking to them being concerned about running out of food. The event coordinator I was working with, Zoe, said, “We have never run out of food.”  I was heartened.  I have since been to another event that they catered which also had excellent food.  When I got the invite for their open house, I responded with a “Hell yes!” and RSVPed for two right away.  Next year I will RSVP for more!

I knew that last night was going to be special when we were greeted by a red carpet stretching the length of the sidewalk and speckled with rose petals.  ROSE PETALS!  Faint red lights lit up the gorgeous space.  I felt like I was walking into a ball. Continue Reading

I found out I have a 3.8 for first quarter. Go me! That’ll really help me achieve my admission to CAL!

Hmmm. Let’s see what’s been going on? Well I’ve been at school. I found out I have a 3.8 for first quarter. Go me! That’ll really help me achieve my admission to CAL! Monday night, at Mock Trial, I found out ti got a lawyer. I’m not sure which type yet, but I made it! And I’m pretty good! I was so proud- for once I wanted something, I actually went for it and I got it!!! I was really proud. I’m either Defense trial or Defense pretrial. I’d rather be pretrial, but either’s fine. I even enjoy the homework. And there is a lot of that!

Anyway, that’s my good news. Tuesday night (11/5) I called Katie to wish her a happy birthday. She wasn’t home so called me back last night. It was odd but I love her. She’s coming to visit in January. She’s bringing her Oregon friend Kristin. It will be odd, but oh well. I suppose I’m looking forward to it.

Yesterday, after school, Heather came over. We worked on Mock Trial and goofed off and then went to Mock Trial; fairly boring for me for I only was able to interview one witness. That’s alright. As soon as everyone has their parts we can start practicing. Wa hoo! I love Heather. We’re becoming pretty close. Especially since I’m not really speaking to Bryan.

Bryan is a Scorpio. I’ve since then learned to avoid Scorpios as much as possible.

Oh that. Didn’t you know? He told me that I’ve “changed” and I’m “pathetic.” That was Mon or Tues. I just kinda looked at him, turned around and stopped talking to him. If he talked to me, I’d speak to him, but I most certainly didn’t go out of my way to talk to him. Today it was a little better. We sat at the same table during the PLAN testing (boring–too easy) and talked some during History so then this evening I was in a really fabulous mood and I had no one to talk to so I called him, hoping to try to mend our friendship. Mike was over and I got bored so I hung up when he had another call. He called me back 1/2 hour later to tell me he was soory, but I was talking to Lisa who was pretty depressed so I didn’t talk to him. I was pretty cold to him, but you know I take a lot of crap from him and have never, ever dished it out, to him at least and I don’t have to put up with it. I have always cared so much about him and he has never cared back, so I give up! I’m sick of this and I’m tired of obsessing over him. So I will give up. Whatever happens, happens.

Tim and I have gotten pretty close now. He’s so huggy and clingy. I know he wants me, but I don’t want him. I’ll play around with him and hug him and let him hold me, but I don’t want anything more. I’m a bit afraid though. Oh, well. He calls me a lot. Starting today. Wierd. Lisa and James came over today. Lisa’s really depressed. So’s James, kinda. I’m pretty happy. The only thing bugging me is the Bryan thing. But I try not to let it hurt me. It does, but oh, well I’ll survive. Tonight, I was talking to Erika and we were laughing just like we used to for hours until her parents interfered. You know? A major part of my life doesn’t get in here. Email that is. Normally, I don’t write about that when I spend a while writing people. Well, read corresponding letters, reader! And my writing. I am changing but I like what I’m becoming. It’s kinda depressing. I don’t find a lot of perverted humor funny anymore. It used to be. I don’t find Bryan anything more than a bastard. Sigh. That’s alright. Anyway, I’m exhausted and I probably could go on forever, but I’m going to bed.

This probably qualifies as an identity crisis.

Love always,



Susie J's Life Lessons


1. Never make a large purchase when Mercury is retrograde. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been researching laptops for a month, and if you spent eight hours on cnet last Saturday night, and you’ve finally picked the laptop for you… No, you don’t get to buy it, because Mercury just went into retrograde, and you have to wait until Pisces begins to begin any new projects and make any major purchases.

2. New Years Resolutions are good.

3. Patience is also good. Especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships. But also…

4. Sometimes, there is no room for error in new relationships. And, you know, if that’s really true, then maybe that wasn’t a worthwhile interpersonal relationship anyway.

5. The eee pc in pink is damn cute, but unnecessary, even if one of my many New Years Resolutions is to utilize technology better.

6. Damn do I <3 hobbies. Like playing the guitar. What a keeper. Just like my friends. Awwwwwwww….

I’m a Leo, btw

I nicknamed her Gorgeous, cause she was gorgeous to me.

So empty, so carefree. I can take it, she said. And she took it.

All my photos. My music. My important business files.

Ooooh, my important business files.

I came back from lunch the other day to find her unplugged. I had left her plugged in, I distinctly remembered. But she’d been unplugged so many times before, I didn’t worry. I plugged her back in.


I plugged her into the three closest computers. Nothing.

I was sure she was just sick. I gave her some Reiki.* Seriously. I thought positive thoughts.

I brought her home. At home I have a shortcut to her on my desktop. If I could try accessing her via the shortcut, that will work. She was humming…and spinning… Her little blue light was turning on in that oh so familiar way.

At home, nothing. The next day I brought her to my IT guy, and he said that it didn’t look good. That wasn’t humming and spinning. That was clanking and crashing.

With desperate passion I regretted that moment when right clicked on my trash can and chose “Empty.” What was I thinking?! Where was my other back up? Why hadn’t I listened to z.Dank?!! And why hadn’t I gotten the bartender’s number instead of leaving that silly, though eloquent, note for him, because at least then I would know right now if he had a girlfriend? Or I could have included something about “Don’t worry, you don’t have to be my boyfriend” cause we all know that the b word scares everybody?! And most importantly, why didn’t I buy two external hard drives and put all my shit on both cause at least then I’d have it right now and I’d be able to work and…


Those are real tears I’m crying right there.

I’m trying to be optimistic.

I still have these photos of this car Alex and I almost bought once.

The car Alex and I almost bought once

And here’s the bird the Guster killed the other day.

dead bird the guster killed

Without even leaving the house! My god. What a cat. And here’s this cute picture I took of me and Grandma.

Me and Grandma

She was totally impressed with how we could see the photos right away. Ooh! And the other night I made my mac and cheese and chard into a yin and yang!

Mac & Cheese yin and yang

Isn’t that cute?!

I tell you. Given the selection of photos for the last few weeks, we’re really missing out on those six years of photos I am going to have to pay however much to be recovered if the Magical & Great Surgeon that Gorgeous went to the city to see tonight isn’t able to…


…don’t think like that…


If nothing else, I’ll just file this into my $300+ mistakes file.

What a day.


*ancient Japanese form of hands-on healing. The Wikipedia entry lacks citations, FYI.

you see, ladies and gentleman

I’m a Leo. And a romantic.

Leo’s are both loyal and stubborn. They can be loyal to ideas, and stubbornly attached to people. They have a sense of devotion that a Capricorn could never understand. No offense! I don’t mean any. It’s more of a curse than a virtue, I assure you.

I have lingering devotion for friends who got married and populated who I haven’t spoken to in ten years. I wonder at night about these few friends from a lengthy one month sojourn in Britain.

And if that isn’t weird, I don’t know what is. But it’s simple, predictable.

At a young age, I learned an almost Pavlovian response to romance. Underlying this behavior was a devotion to the traditional American cultural beliefs about romance and relationships that everyone preaches. Yet no one is happy. Go figure.

And so I became devoted to romance. To the romantic. It’s why I watch soap operas. Why I go out on dates just for kicks. Why I fall in love again and again. And that, too, is simple and predictable.

The two of them together… inexplicable. Trouble, even. If I have strange devotions to romantic notions that are not based in reality, think of what I can do with what’s semi-real?!

It’s insane. But my stubborn loyalty will never give it up.

February 3rd

has always been a pretty big day for me.

For one: it is my half birthday. According to Chinese astrology, one should will best get along with one who’s birthday is as far away as possible–as close to the half birthday as possible–in terms of a long-term romantic relationship. I had a high school crush whose birthday was February 4th…I may still harbor that crush.

In spite of February 3rd being my half birthday, it usually marks a time of rather intense distress–as far as my year goes. I’m a Leo, and I ride high for the majority of the year. But when it hits Aquarius–late January–my world turns to shit. It’s okay. I understand. There’s a greater whole involved. And that’s cool.

It was February Third of 1994 that I first ingested a psychedelic substance. I’ve published here my original journal entry from that year, but I’m not going to take the time to link that now.

As the journal entry relates, however, is this marked change in my perception. The world was bigger than it ever was before.

And I’m happy to relate that, thirteen years later, the world is bigger than it ever was before.

I may be miserable. I may like to marinate in misery. Maybe that’s the way I am.

But the world is bigger than it ever was before. And that makes me happy. In the way that misery never will. In the way that a good dream does.