All this morning Alexis was probably telling people I was a major bitch.

Originally Written on November 17, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

All this morning Alexis was probably telling people I was a major bitch. In French she started talking to me, and then apologized. I apologized too, and then we were friends. On the way to block, (whihc is where I am) she stormed off. We had been talking about how next time we go ice-skating, we should bring someone else. I made a joke and said, “Erica!” We started laughing and then Alexis was gone. Was it something I said?

Before PE this morning I was talking to Steve W. Well, alot of us were talking to Steve. I hadn’t talked to him in a long time. He said to me, “I still think you and Mike S. would make a good match.” I said something along the lines of, “I don’t think so!” He said, “You two are made for each other.” I argued, and so on. Anyway, in band I heard a group of trumpets talking about how we would a make a good match! Ahhhhhh! Save me!

Later today Jeff M. started a rumor that I like a girl. He got this idea when I wouldn’t tell him who I like, when he asked. He said he wanted to fix us up. Like I’m going to tell him!!! Continue Reading

When I got Natalies invitation to her b-day party yesterday I was touched. I mean really touched. I was about to cry.

Originally Written on November 16, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

When I got Natalies invitation to her b-day party yesterday I was touched. I mean really touched. I was about to cry. But now I don’t know what a good friend Natalie would make if she sides with The first story she she’s. You, know It’s really nice to know you can depend on people when you need them. I can’t, though.

It all started today in lunch. Alexis and Ana were acting really buddy-buddy. I swear, you would think Alexis actually likes her or some junk! They sat in a different place,  than usual. Natalie was w/ them. I approached, wondering why they weren’t sitting in our regular spot. Once I got there all conversation stopped. What a horrible feeling! Immediately Alexis and Ana left to go buy lunch. I’ll bet Natalie hated them for leaving her there w/ me! Soon, I began to feel unwanted, but it never became really obvious till Alexis and Ana were talking on the lawn, and then she called Natalie, who I was talking with to join them. I yelled, “gee, thanks!” sarcastically, and w/ tears in my eyes I got my stuff and left to join people who actually appreciate me! Continue Reading

I don’t know if I want to go to the Holiday Dance. It’s next month, but I don’t want it to turn out like the others. The others were to painful.

Originally Written on November 11, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Jeff M. asked me to the CCD dance. Well, not technically but sort of. He was complaining about how there was only 3 7th grade girls in his entire CCD class, and who was he going to dance with. Then he’s all to me, not Cassie, just me, “You can come, too if you bring enough food for 12 people.” Bryan, who is also in his CCD class, also chimed in, “Yeah, Snickers bars!” I don’t think Jeff was serious, but still…

On the way to school, while we were picking up Christy, Evan was talking about how Christy looks like she has the chicken pox. Christy heard the “pox” and Gloria made excuses for Evan. It was so funny.

Every time I see Mike H. he looks at me strangely. I swear after school I turned around and there he was. We walked a couple of steps looking at each other strangely. Then I realized Alexis, Ana, Jeff or anyone wasn’t there with me, and hurried back. I might like him. Emily says he’s kinda cute.

I don’t know if I want to go to the Holiday Dance. It’s next month, but I don’t want it to turn out like the others. The others were to painful. While Alexis was reading my diary, she saw the entries for the dance and something like, “It doesn’t matter if you dance w/ anyone or not.” Maybe not to her, but to me it’s a matter of how popular you are with the guys. She shouldn’t worry. She was always dancing w/ Jeff! How could she know how I feel? there are so many different groups: Continue Reading

Goodbye Volume One…Hello Volume Two!

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

On November 11th, 1993, 12 year old me finished my first diary.  It had been an eventful year and a half full of crushes, a new school and dances.  I began as a mere fifth grader and along the way learned how to swear, watched friends have first kisses and get their periods and wondered when my boobs would come in.  They haven’t yet, but late in Volume One I did have some exciting vaginal discharge.


And now we must bid farewell to the innocence of Volume One.

Goodbye Volume One, with your soft flowery goodness and well labeled FRONT and BACK.

Thankfully, as much as things change, they will the stay the same. Volume Two is similarly soft and colorful and labeled FRONT and BACK. The updated look — from pastel flowers to a vibrant paisley — is representative of the growth 12-year-old me was going through. Who am I? I asked myself. Am I soft and flowery? Am I a vibrant paisley?

Let’s find out, shall we?

She’s trying so hard to be friends w/ me almost to hard.

Originally Written on November 11, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Tonight I had my parent conference. My report card looked like: PreAlgebra – A, French B-, PE – D, History- B, LA – B+, Science – B. Which averaged to a 3.0! Have you ever seen such sucky grades? I don’t care, though. Next qtr. will be better, I swear. I got a 98% in Pre Algebra, and while I was talking w/ Mrs. Smith, she said that I should try for 100! That was my best grade and she wants better?! Oh, well. She’s going to get what she wants.

Today I went ice skating w/ Alexis and guessed who popped up? Erin C.! I don’t know that much about her, but she seems sweet! Anyway Alexis kept ditching me to go talk to her. Man, I was about to cry, I swear. I guess it is my turn, since Alexis and Emily left that way last night at ice skating.

Becky’s parent are getting a divorce! Becky must be going through such pain. I’m sorry I can’t be there for her, but I am in spirit. Continue Reading

Why don’t I look in front of my nose and like someone I have something in common with?

Originally Written on October 5, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Today was Christy’s b-day. Tamaras is on Sun. but she was celebrating it today. All last night Christy was telling peope “Tomorrow’s my b-day, get me a present.” She was just kidding but after awhile it got anoying. Actually, after the first time she did it it was annoying. I guess she and Tamara made an agreement that if Christy brough Tamara something Tamara would do the same. Poor Tamara. She’s stuck having Christy around. I’ve learned from a couple people that Christy has to hang around with different people on different days ’cause noone wants her around. That didn’t make sense did it? Oh well I need to find someone to like. All the time I’ve been chasing around liking people I don’t know to well, and I feel self-conscious around. Why don’t I look in front of my nose and like someone I have something in common with? Why can’t I like someone who might actually like me? Continue Reading

The relationship didn’t last long. He didn’t even know we were going out!

Originally Written on November 4, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

What a day! Because so much happened, I’ll start at the beginning and work my way through the day.

A°: ran a mile without stopping! When I told Mrs. A about it she said “Great” entusiastically. Then I almost started to cry, what a mood swing! Then Christy was asking about how hard it was for her to run the mile, sarcastically. She didn’t even do it! It really pissed me off! While I was testing for around the world Mike H commented on what a lousy shot I made which I did. He is so sweet! I made a corner shot, and the basket went Whoosh!

Advisement: nothing

1°: nothing

2°: Emily was absent and I forgot my flute. I’m going to to try out for the Berry sax. I hope I make it!

3°: Erica was absent. Nothing much happened.

4°: Natalie dumped Billy. He was really upset. I felt so bad for him. Natalie says that the reason she’s dumped him was because whenever the phone rings and her mom answers she gets really nervous because she’s not allowed to have a boyfriend. She’s so sweet! Continue Reading

I put on a pantyliner. I swear it feels like there’s a cow between your legs.

Originally Written on November 3, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Today was my second day with what might be my period. Mom say sometimes the vagina gives discharge for the hell of it. Would it do it for two days in a row? When I got home from school I noticed some more and I put on a pantyliner. I swear it feels like there’s a cow between your legs. For some reason I hope its my period. But if it’s not, OK well.

Nothing happening. Block is still my favorite class, because in it I have guy friends and it’s fun to know them.

In Francais I conversed with Mike H. again. He told me to go back to my seat. (again) Emily, I don’t like him! I for one don’t think we’d make a cute couple, like Emily says we would. Sure I’d go out with him if he asked, but for now I don’t like him! The funny part is whenever I see him with Becki or Alyssia, I get insanely jealous like with any other guys in the world. Guess who played basketball w/ us today. Scott! He’s so sweet. At the dance I saw him standing alone, while the other people in the cliche danced. My heart went out to him. I wanted to ask him to dance but I’m gutless. I see him like that alot. A little bit seperate from the rest of the cliche. He must feel horrible.

Last night I had the strangest dream. First Ana took Jeff M’s pencil and sharpened it wrong. Then Andrew C, Andy, Scott and Mike played basketball with it (don’t ask me how) and lost their game. Andrew, who was looking at a list pasted on a door called me over to him. Hoping he might ask me out, I wheeled over to him (for some reason I was in a wheel chair) and asked what he wanted. He started to yell at me, that since I sharpened the pencil wrong (which I didn’t, Ana did). I made him lose their game. Then Alyssia started stabbing me with a piece of clay. Continue Reading

She said that I will probably discontinue our friendship because I’m more advanced.

Originally Written on November 2, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Tonight before ice skating I looked in my underwear and it was full of pus. Later I told Emily. She said that I will probably discontinue our friendship because I’m more advanced. I can really sympathize with her. She was really upset.

When I told Mom about it (just now) she showed me where her pantyliners are and asked me questions, like “is it red?” No, it was clear. gross, huh? She said “sometimes the vagina gives discharge for no reason. By the time I got out of there I was sweating gallons.

Onto a different subject… All today people were talking about how some guy liked me with the last name that began with “M”. I could win an emmy for that acting job since Emily told me after band that it was Jeff M. I had to pretend through to the end of lunch til I guessed it. Jeff knew that some guy liked me and wanted to know who. He kept denying it was him, without ever being accused! It was obvious Alexis (who started it) was right. She said all through our surprise presentation in block yesterday, Jeff was watching me. Great!

Anyway, he kept calling the guy who liked me a girl and it was so funny! He was calling himself a girl. It was hilarious.

Finally he found out it was him, and denied it (for the hundreth time!). Today was a tres bien day. a tout a l’heure! Continue Reading