let's put a new coat of paint on this lonesome old life

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I’ve been going through my blog for a couple months now…adding photos, fixing the links. Trying to figure out where the line is between appropriate and inappropriate. In my dreams I actively promote this website. My dreams are fun. Most of the time.

I had a dream of working for myself. Doing what I wanted with my time. When I left my job, I was so excited. I felt like rest of my life was just beginning.

Well, here I am. I work for myself. On rainy days it’s hard to even leave the house. It’s a very solitary existence. I didn’t really think about that, and it’s taken me months to notice. This week, though, with the rain and the constant sirens (Californians can’t handle driving in the rain)…

I’m confronted with my very extrovert nature. I like people. I need people. I get my energy from them, my enthusiasm, my inspiration.

My dream was never lonely. My dream was pure fun.

Even all my creative projects don’t seem fun anymore, without people. It all seems like work. It all seems like sitting here, all by myself, with just my computer and my google chat.

This is it. It’s the end. From now on, no more lonesome old life. Time to figure something out that will work. I’ll meet people at cafes and have work buddies. I’ll plan walk around the lake lunches with my other self-employed friends.

And that’s a plan.

blah blah blah content!

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I am so used to nudging and coaxing content out of my design clients. I always had sympathy for them, knowing from personal experience, how hard it is to define and talk about oneself or ones business.

I gave myself this week to finalize the content for my design portfolio. I decided after a few years of free-lancing it was time to finally pull a portfolio together. I have my table of contents (that was easy!) and some sentences here and there for the content. By goodness me, do I want to sit down and create the content? Not at all.

My life coach says that when you get it right, it’s fun. I can imagine that it is supposed to be fun, the way exercising first thing in the morning is supposed to be fun and set the whole tone of the day. So will the content for my design portfolio–it will set the tone that clients see, they will know me, they will want to hire me. That is the goal. I can see the goal, I can taste it. I’m excited to create the graphic of myself fishing in the pond of amazing creative ideas for their design. It is going to be awesome.

But structured content creation is not the creative process I relish the most. I love rewriting and editing. I love creating graphics, designing websites. I love analyzing other people’s words for the different meanings the audience might accidentally construe, providing advice and searching the lexicon for the perfect marketing words. I love messing with photos and playing with video editing.

And it is this joy that I must keep in mind as I wade through my puddle of content, slowly straining out the gold pieces and setting them next to each other till I have a castle of sorts. A glorious castle that I’m proud to share.

Oh yes, that is the goal.

my first movie!

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I had not edited any video since the 90s. This was such a challenge, and I must have spent about 40 hours on it. It was complicated by the fact that I have this need for perfection before I can move forward with any project, and Van Gogh My Pet was never going to be perfect until I had completed this movie.

The background music is from one of my favorite bands, The Real Tuesday Weld.

move over Mrs. Claus

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Christmas has a new heartthrob!

I have never understood why retailers expect us to swap everything in our house out for holiday themed versions. Personally, I use a lot of red around the house, so much of what I own fits right in for the holidays. Also, I have a huge number of things I’d rather store. Even the 2 1/2 foot fake tree I found for $20 on Craigslist is a burden most of the year.

I am a sucker for homemade Halloween decorations, though. Somehow there’s always room for them.

I like layers.

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I always have. Everyone always says that as a Californian you learn to dress in layers. Having lived and visited elsewhere, I always wonder why they claim that be a uniquely Californian thing.

I will always avoid moving to New York–you cannot avoid the subway and it is so ridiculously hot in winter–practically the inverse of the outside temperature. My clothes and coat become sweaty and uncomfortable, and the moisture freezes again when you leave the subway.

Honestly, I don’t know how anyone lives there. But I do miss my friends that do.