So I hate her and I will forever more. My life is HELL! It couldn’t get any worse! Fuck the world!!!

Originally Written on June 1, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Becky is a BITCH!!! So is Alexis and Christy. You know what is really funny? This morning, Becky and Alexis told Tamara that Emily and I were the ones afraid of Vortex and Top Gun. HA?!! I hated sitting with them at lunch. You know something? Just the thought of Becky or Alexis, or Christy makes my eyes narrow, my jaw clench and a shudder go down my spine. That is how much I hate them. I am mostly mad at Becky because what kind of best friend lies?!!! So I hate her and I will forever more. My life is HELL! It couldn’t get any worse! Fuck the world!!! Continue Reading

Ok so me and Emily had a great time. We went on Vortex and that is THE BEST!!!!!!!!!

Originally Written on May 31, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Becky is a DOA..I made that up. It stands for Daughter of an asshole. She is also a major bitch. At Great America on Saturday she was being a major spoiled sport. She just had to have her own way. She wouldn’t go on Top Gun or Vortex or even the Fiddlers Fling, which is a lame ride. I might be able to understand about Top Gun but she wouldn’t go on the Blue Streak if her life depended on it! (The Blue Streak is a kiddie roller coaster!).

She spent all Saturday complaining about the long lines and how her vein in her foot hurt. In fact I was only with her for about an hour and a half. After that I got fed up and Emily and I left to go on by ourselves. Only we were stuck with Christy. Only till four though. After the awards ceremony (our band took 4th and got the Spirit Award) Emily and I took off leaving Becky and Alexis with Christy.

Ok so me and Emily had a great time. We went on Vortex and that is THE BEST!!!!!!!!! We didn’t have time to go on Top Gun. After all the line went through two lands!!!

Ok, so 8:30 rolls around and we meet with our chaperone’s and stuff. Emily and Christy, and Alexis make up this outlandish story about how they went on all of the scary rides like Vortex, Top Gun, the Demon. Anyway they’re scared like Hell of these rides and would never go on any of them.

Oh I forgot, when we were with Christy, we were talking bad about Becky and Alexis. Guess what? Christy told them!!!! So there we were. They were all pissed at us and telling LIES!!!! So they’re DOAs and Bitches!!!!!

It was hecka funny in the car on the way home. Becky says she was tired and didn’t remember if she went on Top Gun or not!!!! If you went on Top Gun you would remember it. It would be the best thing that ever would happen to you. Sure she’s tire. She also said that she thinks she bumped her head?!!!! Sure, Becky we believe you?!!!! HA, HA!!! That is why Becky M. is a DOA

I wish Steve would ask me if I’d go out with Andy if he asked. I’d shrug and say “probably.”

Originally Written on May 27, 1996
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

After school at Becky’s house she called Emily. I was invisible. Literally. Because Alexis went out with Gary Becky got busted. With Alexis. Alexis has a hot temper, and Danielle told her that Becky yelled out in front of the clarinet section that Alexis was going with Gary. Anyway, this never happened. But Alexis got pissed. I mean big time. There she was yelling at Becky in the room where our instruments are stored. Alexis was being a B-I-T-C-H. She was having a major moo-moo. Anyway after Alexis had sort of calmed down, I decide that I don’t want to share a stand with her and Tamara. I go and I get Alexis a stand. Then Alexis turns to me and you should have seen her face!! It was totally twisted in anger. It was the ugliest thing in the world!!!

“You’re not pissed at me too, are you?!!!” she asks. She sounded awful. Her voice was high-pitched and it sounded horrible.

“No,” I said, “But Becky isn’t either. If she is she’d have a good reason to be witht he way you’re acting!” That set her off again. Through band she sat there scowling.

How come Gary likes Alexis? She is not even pretty. In fact I don’t think she even touches her hair and it doesn’t look good. Majorly. The part is totally off, and her bangs…they need plastic surgery. Why have her? Oh, well. I’m still puzzling over whether Andy likes me. Steve keeps asking me if I like Andy. Why? I wish Steve would ask me if I’d go out with Andy if he asked. I’d shrug and say “probably.” Of course Erica would be there, so she could tell everyone.

Alexis was being a bitch today! During Science she came up and said “I thought you were sitting with us?!” I shrugged and said, “Sorry.”

Originally Written on May 26, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Alexis was being a bitch today! During Science she came up and said “I thought you were sitting with us?!” I shrugged and said, “Sorry.” Alexis turned on her heal and stormed off. Alexis doesn’t own me! I can sit where I want to, despite what she says. Also on Tuesday, I was being nice to Ana and talking with her all the way to band. Alexis walks up, pulls me aside and says, “How come you’re being nice to her?!!!” I felt like saying, ‘Excuse me? A week ago you got mad at me for being mean to her. You said, Oh she’s not that bad! Remember?!!! Anyway who cares. She’s not important.

How come I’m so nervous all the time? Around guys I mean. I’m always grinning and acting stupid. Whenever Steve talks to me, I get nervous. Maybe it’s because he’s always asking if I like Andy. I don’t know why. Continue Reading

I assumed Amanda had told Steve who Andy liked. I pretended I didn’t notice and went back to drawing.

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Art: as usual the topic was Ana. Hold on let me backtrack for a second. In Art I never talk to anyone and feel very “out.” Anyway, Amanda is our (my) table group and she wanted to know why Andy (also in my table group) wouldn’t go out with Ana, who has liked him for awhile. Andy says he doesn’t really know her, which is a complete lie since they’re in the same Math class. Anyway, Amanda wanted to know who in the table group had told Ana what Amanda had said about a week ago. Now, of course, I had, but I didn’t to get in trouble for it. When she asked me, I shook my head, no. Anyway later Steve W. comes along and starts asking Andy who he likes. So, I’m just sitting here drawing my picture.

“Is she in this class,” Steve asks.

Andy nods.

“Is it Annie?” Steve.

“No,” Andy answers. Anyway, Amanda had said that she knew.

“Is it Amanda?”

“No.”

“Is it Jennifer Heller?”

Andy shook his head, slowly.

“Jennifer?” I looked up. “Do you like Andy?”

I shook my head and went back to drawing. A few seconds later, Steve said, “Jennifer Heller?!!!”

I looked up. Amanda was nodding. I assumed Amanda had told Steve who Andy liked. I pretended I didn’t notice and went back to drawing. Continue Reading

I don’t know. 90210 was so sad. It seems like I’m living in their saga.

Originally Written on May 19, 1996
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I feel so depressed.  I don’t know why.  It just sprang up on me.

Suddenly, in the middle of 90210, I started loving Smudge so much.  I started bawling and saying how much I loved her and how she couldn’t be given away.

Then (after I composed myself) I went out on the balcony. Suddenly I loved Pleasanton + the town homes. I tried to convince Mom + Dad not to move, but it didn’t work.  At least now we may not give Smudge for awhile.

I don’t know.  90210 was so sad.  It seems like I’m living in their saga.

I’m tired.  Bye!

Smudge looked something like this.

Continue Reading

All of my feelings look stupid on paper.

Originally Written on May 19, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I haven’t done my homework in ages. I’m afraid I’m turning into Becky, never doing my homework on time.

Today I stayed home from school. I needed the rest.

Last night I was totally stressed about a history test today. It was open book! Oh, well.

All of my feelings look stupid on paper.

I don’t know who I like. There are a couple people I might like. O.K. for one? I’m not sure if I like Z.S. Ana says he says I’m a bitch. He told me Ana was a bitch. Oh, well. I just think he’s an ass. But I like him. Sort of. I don’t know.

Erica says O.K. likes me. I don’t know. He used to flirt with me. Not anymore though. Oh, well.

Do I like O.K.? I don’t think so.

Do you notice how all of a sudden I’m using initials to refer to my crushes?

The next page is folded in half with the label “Nobody ever open!” Lucky for us, I don’t respect 11-year-old me’s wishes much.

They are initials backwards!!! Such a complicated key just to disguise the crushes I’m not sure I had.

On to a more cheerful subject. If I can find one. Continue Reading

Guess what? I DON’T LIKE STEVE ANY MORE

Originally Written on April 22, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Tonight Becky + me spent hours and hours on the phone. Most of the time we didn’t even say a word, except Becky sang in her awful voice.

She sang the Block Buster Video song. Even as I write she is on the phone, singing.

Did I mention I’m in my room! Yes I GOT A PHONE

Actually it’s Becky’s but not for long. Just kidding. It’s until August. The phone can go into Sara’s room or the bathroom. I’m using line 2.

Cool huh. I think so.

Guess what?

I DON’T LIKE STEVE ANY MORE

YEA!!!

Now I like someone different.

Just kidding.

Todays topic is our group and why or why not they can’t go on a group outing to the mall

Originally Written on April 20, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Todays topic is our group and why or why not they can’t go on a group outing to the mall:

Emily: 1/2 the time she’s not allowed to + the other 1/2 of the time she’s busy/grounded.

Alex: doesn’t want to

Alexis: isn’t allowed to

Christy: NEVER will be cool enough to

Leena: Who knows.

That leaves Becky + me. Will we be stuck doing everything by ourselves. Not that I mind but I wish more people would come.

Based on the size of my handwriting, I would have predicted a stronger reaction to being stuck going to the mall with Becky all the time.

Continue Reading