We saw it. We read it. We talked about it.
Does that mean I should buy an equally hilarious bench ad for Artsy Geek???
Author: Jennifer Heller
6 days till school
6 days till school
I didn’t win
I know this is going to come as a huge, unwelcome surprise because you all voted for me so very many times, but I didn’t win the NYC Flash Fiction Microchallenge Contest. Or whatever it was called. I never really got that straight.
This loss is merely a bump on the road to Internet domination, but I found myself getting bummed about it late last night when I figured it out.
And then I remembered one of my stories that didn’t make it into the final round:
She gasped for more oxygen. Her sons were safe now. But she couldn’t escape the slice of the boat.
This is the true story of how Kirsty MacColl met her horrible and untimely death. I first met Kirsty when our friend William introduced her song, In These Shoes, on a mixtape back in 2005. I was instantly in love.
Her death is a tragedy unparalleled.
Gives you some appreciation for life and loved ones, doesn’t it? Every moment counts.
Mom told her that I was going to get bras!!!! Judy didn’t make a big deal out of it though.
Today Mom and I went through my wardrobe. I had to try everything on and mom was watching my every move. About ¾ of the way through Mom asked me if I wanted to get some training bras. I’m flat as a board, but I said yes. It was obvious that mom was just as embarrassed about it as I was.
Alexis is getting some discharge.
Tomorrow we are getting schedules. I’m not really worried.
I got a new storage unit for my closet. Also a new shelf. I might be getting a vanity.
Judy came over. Dad told her that I was thinking (wanting) a vanity and she agreed with me! Mom told her that I was going to get bras!!!! Judy didn’t make a big deal out of it though.
It’s hard to believe school starts in days. I’m not nervous at all! It is too bad I don’t share Erica’s feelings of scaredness. NOT!!!! Now I know how Becky felt last year when I was nervous and she wasn’t.
I’m going to wear some light eyeshadow and lipstick this year. You can hardly tell I have any eyeshadow on.
Mom and Dad want to give away my dresses. I don’t mind.
I don’t want to get braces. A retainer would be fine with me. Why do I have to go through having braces twice when other people don’t even have to have them once?!!!!
NYC Midnight Flash Fiction Last Call!
One of my stories made it into yet another round of the NYC Midnight Flash Fiction Contest!
A laser that turns oxygen into diamonds?! It sounds impossible, but it was the end of everything.
Vote for me please! Today is the last day for voting.
Winning this is the first phase in my plan of TOTAL INTERNET DOMINATION. Which, you know, means more fun for everyone.
They don't look like aliens.
Rex was not only extremely hot but also extremely smart. He built a laser that could turn coal into diamonds. This was going to mean total world domination for the DiMeras (who already pretty much dominate). Or at least it would have, if the ship carrying the laser hadn’t gotten blown up. That was a good day for Days fans; we love it when stuff blows up.
Despite all the power that Stefano DiMera has, it didn’t occur to him to just produce another laser that turns coal into diamonds. Oh well. Easy come, easy go
I really like Steve. I’m confused.
I really like Steve. I’m confused. Emily said that Erica’s like, mean. I suppose that’s the word. Anyway when Erica called she was being really nice. The way I’m planning it I’m going to have $100 for school clothes. Cool! Never mind.
A Mystery Package from Office Depot!
What if it’s anthrax?? A bomb in disguise?
Or a present?? But why would anyone but me a present from Office Depot??
Amid all these questions, I tore open the package to discover.
A catalog. Or, as they like to call it, the Big Book 2011.
Thanks Office Depot, but next time you can save on the postage and the printing costs. I have the Internet at my fingertips. Have you heard of it?
Since Sandy likes Steve, it’ll be two for the price of one! I’ll get Steve and I’ll get back at Sandy.
Emily came over today. She said Erica had told her who I liked. (Andy) I don’t know who to believe! There is no other way for Emily to find out. Oh, I don’t know. I really like Steve. He’s cute, and nice, even though he can be a jerk. As long as he’s nice to me, I won’t care. Since Sandy likes Steve, it’ll be two for the price of one! I’ll get Steve and I’ll get back at Sandy.
When are you too old to write on your hand?
The other day after I may or may not have had a cocktail or two, I had a brilliant idea for a blog entry and I wrote it on my hand.
The next morning I discovered that I had inadvertently lost my notes in a fit of handwashing or some such.
Why I didn't just email it to myself as I often do, I have no idea.
I wrecked my brain trying to remember, but no luck. I was bummed because I remembered it being a pretty good blog idea.
Fast forward a couple hours and I’m going through my new photos from my camera and boom:
MY BLOG IDEA RESURFACES!
All of a sudden I remember everything. The excellent idea, finding a pen, scribbling it on my hand. And once done, thinking it was so hilarious that I wrote on my hand like a twelve-year-old that I photographed that very action for a separate blog.
And this is why you visit, is it not? For silly, silly inebriated thoughts captured later with a hint of scorn.
