Conversation with a Stranger

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Scene: BART from SF 16th St to Oakland. I’m tired and a little worn out. My dinner date had said, “I just want to give you a big hug! You look like the world beat you down.” This is after I went as far as to curl my hair to appear bright and chipper.

The man sitting next to me is really, really into his iPhone. I can tell that from the first second I sit down. He asks me a question about iPhones I don’t really know the answer to but I answer anyway.

Then he shares with me this cool looking astrology app and we both marvel at photos from the Hubble telescope like this:

Source: hubblesite.org

He tells me about this Nova you can see right now…brighter than all the stars in the Universe. The light we can see left that star before our galaxy was even born.

“It makes you feel pretty insignificant,” I say.

“Yes. I think that’s right,” he replies.

I think I just felt someone’s gaze throughout the day.

Originally Written on September 8, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Why is it I am so self-conscientious around Gate. Any Gate event kills me. Daily I have Gate Science. The class itself is ok, but the people in it make me feel so strange. Partly is my past. I’m always thinking that everyone there has already judged me, and I have no more chances. Sandy’s not in the class thank God. I think Andy was staring at me. I think I just felt someone’s gaze throughout the day. Maybe it was Chan again. He was in a lot of my classes. I don’t know why I’ve been crying.

I am such a dork

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

We were camping last weekend and, as usual, I made the entire camping party (including the two-year-old) play the Pick Up 40 Pieces of Trash Game.

This time about half way through I offered a “special treat” to those who went double or nothing and got 80.

I have yet to figure out what the Special Treat is. Any suggestions?

Moments later I was interacting with one of the Park Rangers who was cleaning the toilet. We had a pleasant enough interaction, but I couldn’t leave it at that.

No, I had to add, “I just had to tell you…collectively my group just picked up over 400 pieces of trash!!”

That’s when I started to feel really dumb. I started mumbling. “Cause..um..you know, I had the girls do it. And I used to be a Girl Scout. And you know Girl Scouts always leave places cleaner than when they found it.”

Brilliant, girl friend, brilliant.

Are you good at spotting trash? Find the offending garbage in this picture and get a special treat!

Do you see it???

Tomorrow is the beginning of 7th grade. I’m not nervous.

Originally Written on September 7, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Tomorrow is the beginning of 7th grade. I’m not nervous. My classes are spread out all over the school.

I have an absolutely great outfit. It is all black w/a crochet vest. Crochet is in.

Today Mom and I went to get stuff. I got myself a new brush and deodorant and Clearisil. I need it to get rid of the many zits on my forehead. I’m lucky though my bangs cover them.

the time I baked bugs into my cookies

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

It seemed like just another day. Got a new bookshelf, had some friends over for dinner. But then, the worst thing ever happened: there wasn’t enough leftover lasagna for everyone.

We all had a decent-sized piece, but not an American-sized piece, if you know what I mean. I made extra salad, but I could tell they were still hungry. Or maybe I was just paranoid.

The decision was made: cookies were in order. I got out everything we needed and made the magic happen. Just when the magic was being perfected, my friend Kat noticed there were little specks dotting the top layer 0f the flour….specks that were–on closer inspection–little winged insects.

Oh but what were we to do??  We baked them.  We ate them.  I let our friend Adam eat two without even telling him.  Does that make me terrible?

And who is to blame for this debacle?  I want to blame my Modular Mates Tupperware containers, pictured above in their bug-harboring glory. How could you do this to me Modular Mates? How could you ruin my cookies??*

And after everything I’ve done for you. Touted you on my online Tupperware store.  Organized my pantry around you.  And now this betrayal.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive you.

*To be fair, they were also mediocre for a number of other reasons. 1. We didn’t really follow a recipe. 2. I followed the advice of my friends and added an entire package of pudding. That was just crazy.

A case might also be made that it was my fault that the cookies were ruined for not noticing the bugs when I first scooped the flour.  But again, there is someone else to blame.  And in this case, that someone is booze, who distracted me and inspired me to make the cookies in the first place. Again, not my fault.