Author: Jennifer Heller

Bravery is Rewarded — How I Finally won at Karaoke

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

If you know me (or follow this blog), you know I love karaoke. We go a few times a year to the Shattuck Down Low on Tuesday nights. It’s pretty much the highlight of my life.

I have tried to win their Valentine’s Day and Halloween Karaoke Contests for years. Awhile ago they started a contest every Tuesday where you could win a $50 bar tab by being awesome.

About a week ago I decided I was finally going to perform my favorite karaoke song of all, Pulp’s This is Hardcore.

I had performed it at Jenfest 2007 to much fanfare, but never for an audience of strangers. It’s one of my favorite karaoke songs because I love the song and it’s super long…which means more time with the microphone. #ilovemicrophones

There’s one major reason it’s not ideal: It’s basically about the making of a porno film. I love it for it’s drama and intrigue, but not necessarily the subject matter. Yet, I had decided that I was finally going to throw caution to the wind and sing it…

And then I chickened out, choosing my staple, Talking in Your Sleep by the Romantics, for my first song. It was a truly dissatisfying karaoke experience.

A gin and tonic later, and I was ready. I went for it. My love for the song took over any question that this was an inadvisable song to choose and pure joy overcame me.

No wonder they picked me to win. Though the emcee claimed I won to reward my courage to sing such a naughty song so well. Whatever it was, I sleep soundly now that one of my life goals has been achieved.

A good day, I’d say. Continue Reading

I’ll try out for cheerleading but I will make it only when people can land on Pluto!

Originally Written on May 11, 1994
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Today was a very eventfull day. In P.E. I raised my volleyball grade to an A-! Be proud of me! In Band Mr. A asked the flutes which one of us wanted to play percussion on Canto. I always raise my hand ‘ cause I’m never picked. Today he picked me! And Ana. He had Ana play the wood block + triangle and “let” me play the gong! That is the loudest instrument in the entire band! Everytime I made a mistake, the whole band heard! I swear I was still trembling in Pre Algebra. It didn’t help that we had to play the last 3 measures many times before I got close to the right time to gong the gone! I was so nervous! And we’re going to play Canto for the concert! How will I survive?

At lunch I decided to stay after school for cheerleading training. I guess you could call it. So we got started. I’ll try out for cheerleading but I will make it only when people can land on Pluto! I don’t care. I’m only trying out for fun. I just hope i don’t get serious about it. Tryouts are on Tues and until then we have to go to training everyday after school. I’ve been practicing what we learned today all night! I’m sooo hot + sweaty. But, I have it down pretty well and I can’t wait for training tomorrow! I’m getting pretty good at it too kinda. While I learned it, I didn’t understand any of it! But now I do! I kinda want to make the squad but since the cost of the uniform is up in the hundreds, I couldn’t accept the position!

Catcha Later!

Do you talk to yourself?

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Will and I are up late talking about talking to ourselves. He was talking to the record collection, you see…asking what should be played. The Stranglers song Tank won, btw.

He reflects that he always felt ashamed of how much he talked to himself as a child. He was ashamed up until he read that Alexander Hamilton shared the same habit. With Alexander Hamilton, he talked to himself so much that people actively complained about it. But he was a genius, so what were they going to do?

I remember a late night talking to a treasured photo of an ex-boyfriend. It was that talk that got me out of loving him…and into moving on. I think of what fun I’ve had over the years talking to myself…as if I were a character in Days of Our Lives and what I was heard would motivate the next murder plot…and as if I were another person, keeping myself company.

But I’m a people person.

Do you like talking to yourself? Are you ashamed?

poll by twiigs.com

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I just danced – smiling on the outside and crying on the inside!

Originally Written on May 6, 1994
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

God I hate my life. God I miss Wes! God I wish I had met Wes! God I wish there was a Wes! (See a pattern forming here?) I could go on like this for hours but I won’t. Anyway, you get the picture. The dance was hell and I wish I could cry. I really do. But when I like someone or have a reason to cry I will. One of the two times I danced was w/ Jeff! I’m not upset about dancing with him! But I am depressed because it was to “ I Swear.” I know it shouln’t matter but that’s my song! I didn’t exactly want to dance w/ him on my favorite song. I didn’t want to dance w/ him at all! But I did and it doesn’t matter. After we danced he kept talking to me! I know we’re supposed to be friends but how can we be friends when he flirts w/ me? I know he likes me, no matter how he denies it. It makes me feel so uncomfortable! I could feel his eyes on me as a I danced in the fast dances. The he set me up w/ Dylan B! I really didn’t mind.

I tried to have fun, I really did. I just couldn’t. I danced and everything usual happened. I just danced – smiling on the outside and crying on the inside! Continue Reading

Bewildering Forwards #2

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I am continually mesmerized by what people forward and why…Our first specimen was a not-very-funny animal photo with stupid captions. Here’s an I’m-sure-accurate account of what John Cleese has to say about security that my father passed on.

John Cleese – British writer, actor, and tall person, speaking on the topic of security:

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.”

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years. Continue Reading

Yes, Mom took me bra shopping on Tues! It was the most hellish day in my life!

Originally Written on May 5, 1994
Posted on by Jennifer Heller
Happy Cinqo de Maio (?)!

I haven’t written cause there hasn’t been anything to write about.  Yesterday Jeff got the idea tha Wes wasn’t real!  He started spreading rumors about me going out with a non-existent guy!  Can you believe this guy?  Of course I told Wes about this and Wes is going to call Jeff (compliments of Nikki N.) to prove his existence.   Then I’ll be able to laugh in Jeff’s face!

I can’t wait till the dance tomorrow! Unfortunately it’s the last dance of the year!  I bought a new outfit that all together probably cost about $70!  I only spent about $30! I bought the skirt Mom bought the shirt, sliip and bra.  Yes, Mom took me bra shopping on Tues!  It was the most hellish day in my life! But it’s over with! Thank GOD! Up until now I’ve been wearning one hiding it from the parental units.  it was very hard but I lived and then I lived through the shopping although I don’t know how!

I really miss Wes! To me, Wes isn’t fictional anymore.  He’s real and he’s out there – I just need to find him!  It’s depressing!  Chow for now!  (I’m a poet + I know it) Continue Reading

Jeff said he would fax me something. He asked what he should fax me and Alexis replied, “a love letter!’ Jeff came back with “I would but now she’s got a boyfriend!”

Originally Written on April 27, 1994
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Today was Alexis’ last day.  I never thought I’d say this but I’m really going to miss Alexis.  I hope her life is good in Arizona, I sincerely do.

Here, my life is improving.  I told Alexis about my plan about getting Jeff off my back in the beginning of block.  So we started talking about this guy I supposedly met at TNT last night.  His name is Wes and he goes to Wells.  Well, we really hit it off and at the end of the evening he asked me out.  I said that I didn’t know and now I’m, like, in love w/ him.  Jeff ate it all up!

Anyway, in block I gave Christy my phone number and Jeff wanted it, too.  So Alexis gave it to him wrong.  The last two numbers were switched.  Jeff said he would fax me something.  He asked what he should fax me and Alexis replied, “a love letter!’ Jeff came back with “I would but now she’s got a boyfriend!” Alexis totally cracked me up and told me, “I told you so!” over and over.  Then Jeff said, “I only started to yesterday!” I just sat there thinking Oh my GOD! OH MY GOD! He actually told me he liked me!   I swear JEEEEEEEEZ!

But he fell for my plan!  I’m so happy, I got him off my back.  Now he won’t ask me out!  Of course he could still like me, but he won’t show it nearly as much now!  Thank God! Now I don’t have to worry about saying no!  Thank GOD! Thank you Alexis! Now all I need to do is keep the story going!

More later! Continue Reading

Wisdom from the Trenches

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I did some volunteer consulting for Women’s Initiative the other week. What fun it is to reach out to fellow woman entrepreneurs! People who understand what it’s like; whose lives are similarly a roller coaster ride that never ends.

One of my clients shared the following lyric as one that helps her be okay with not knowing how things are going to play out…even when it comes down to how you’re going to pay your staff or afford that necessary expense this week.

A mind, that wants to wander,
round a corner,
Is an un-wise mind

– George Harrison, Be Here Now

It turns out the song’s pretty weird though. But don’t let that ruin this wisdom!  Since I acquired it, I’ve applied it everywhere…from planning travel expenses, to dealing with tumultuous relationships.  Fretting about the future takes pleasure from the present.  And who knows, we might not be here in another ten minutes.

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I wanted to run the track to just run away form my problems.

Originally Written on April 26, 1994
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Today was better, although this morning I wanted to run the track to just run away form my problems. Unfortunately it’s been raining and the track was flooded.   I hope we get to run tomorrow!

Especially since I have a major trouble.  Jeff admitted to liking me (says Cassie) and flirted with me through block.  I tried to avoid all talking w/ him.  I only had to sit by him for 79 minutes (8th graders are taking CLAS testing and the scedules are fucked up). Tomorrow I have to avoid him for four hours!  I have a plan though.  I’m going to get Alexis to ask me about this new guy I supposedly like.  I’ll give him a name – we’ll describe him as total different than Jeff so Jeff’ll get discouraged and won’t ask me out! Nothing happened w/ Robbie although Cassie, Natalie and Lex are still set on our going out!

Tomorrow’s Alexis’ last day.  I used to be a little glad she was moving.  But now Alexis and I are getting along I don’t want her to move!  I won’t miss her bosiness or temper but I will miss having her at our table in block and our friendship.

Couldn’t just part of her (the bad part) move?

I’m going to miss you, Alexis!

(We’ll keep in touch!)

(my pen ran out of ink!)

A nice end to a relationship fraught with petty name-calling, eh?

Continue Reading