Miracles Happen: The Redondo Beach Penthouse Apartment

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

We’d just begun the apartment hunt. I had imagined going to see but one apartment and it being perfect. How easy would that be?

We went to see one. It was odd-shaped, but had hardwood floors, lots of light, a garage, gas stove and washer/dryer. Pretty much everything we need except normally shaped rooms. And the location was not perfect, but good enough.

I kept looking. On a Friday evening, I see this:

Light, roomy 2BR 1BA apt in triplex with shared yard/garden. Laundry room, garage, hrdwd floors. 2 level: One BR and laundry room on ground floor; living, kitchen, BR.and bath on 1st floor above. Close to BART, College Ave., Farmer’s Market. Deposit: $1575. Small pets OK. Garbage included. Year lease. Available March 1. Open house for viewing on Feb. 11, 9 am – 2 pm.

Redondo Ave. at Clarke St.
Cats are ok – prrrr

I was in love…I didn’t sleep for hours daydreaming of moving into it. My mind morphed “Apartment on Redondo Ave” into “the Redondo Beach Penthouse Apartment.”

We woke up. We authored our rental resume and filled out rental apps. We went, packets of rental apps and resumes in hand to the follow up appointment on the imperfect odd-shaped but good enough apartment and then to experience the joy and wonder of the Redondo Beach Penthouse Apartment.

It was perfect. It was beyond perfect. The first level would have been nice enough, but the bottom story had an additional huge room and a laundry room / mop sink big enough to dance around in.

We were charming. We tried not to act too desperate, but responsible and friendly. We tried to embody the perfect tenants.

Of course the open house was crawling with other renters. A fellow was hovering like a vulture — trying the shower, exploring the drawers. “We don’t want to be vultures,” I say to Will. “We just want to subtly charm her and move on.”

Subtle charm: Check. Rental packet in landlord’s hands: Check.

And now nothing to do but wait. A day or two passed. I couldn’t think of anything but the Redondo Beach Penthouse Apartment. I checked my email obsessively and answered all unknown number calls. Nothing.

A few days later we heard that the odd-shaped imperfect apartment was ours for the taking. What to do?!! We couldn’t make a decision about that one without hearing about the Redondo Beach Penthouse Apartment! How could they ask that of us?

We stalled and stalled. A few days later, we were out of options. We couldn’t stall any longer. The landlord at Redondo wasn’t letting us know, and we had to make a decision. We printed the lease and went over it. Shaking with indecision, we showed up to meet the landlords and make our final decision. We called, left a message, and rang the doorbell. No response. Even though we could see him walking around inside!

Perplexed we called again. Rang the doorbell again. Again, nothing. We turned to each other and wondered what was happening. We had no choice but to move on. We moved on.

An hour later found us waiting for a table at Lanesplitters with great friends in town to visit. An hour later found my phone ringing from an unknown number. The pizzeria was loud; I didn’t hear it. A few minutes later I noticed it, wondering if it was the landlord from the imperfect place calling back to apologize for missing us. We still had that decision to make after all.

It was Cathy, the keeper of the Penthouse Apartment. She’d been sick and did not realize we were under a deadline. The place was ours if we wanted it. And want it we did!!

The news had come just in time. The Universe had conspired to keep us from taking the imperfect place for just long enough to hear the great news. And, it has to be said, the rental resume worked. We had a 2/2 acceptance rating using ours in a competitive market.

Now that’s a miracle right?

In Case You Were Wondering

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

This is how you address a cat.

The Ad-Dressing Of Cats

T. S. Eliot

You’ve read of several kinds of Cat,
And my opinion now is that
You should need no interpreter
To understand their character.
You now have learned enough to see
That Cats are much like you and me
And other people whom we find
Possessed of various types of mind.
For some are same and some are mad
And some are good and some are bad
And some are better, some are worse—
But all may be described in verse.
You’ve seen them both at work and games,
And learnt about their proper names,
Their habits and their habitat:
But
How would you ad-dress a Cat?

So first, your memory I’ll jog,
And say: A CAT IS NOT A DOG.

And you might now and then supply
Some caviare, or Strassburg Pie,
Some potted grouse, or salmon paste—
He’s sure to have his personal taste.
(I know a Cat, who makes a habit
Of eating nothing else but rabbit,
And when he’s finished, licks his paws
So’s not to waste the onion sauce.)
A Cat’s entitled to expect
These evidences of respect.
And so in time you reach your aim,
And finally call him by his NAME.

So this is this, and that is that:
And there’s how you AD-DRESS A CAT. Continue Reading

He said “I’ll be when you [me] kissed him he had a boner and this thing when from 1cm to 2cm.” He demonstrated w/ his fingers.

Originally Written on February 3, 1994
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I’m never going to hear the end of this kiss thing.  All day people were asking me “Did you really kiss Robbie?!!” And all I could say was, “yes, and shut up about it!” In Block, James K was making fun of Robbie.  He said “I’ll be when you [me] kissed him he had a boner and this thing when from 1cm to 2cm.” He demonstrated w/ his fingers.  I really want Robbie to ask me out, but, I sit with James in Block.  James hates Robbie and Robbie hates James. Alexis likes James.  It would be horrible if I was going out with Robbie (I wish!) and Alexis were going out w/ James.

Ana likes someone else besides Sharky (Andy). She calls him Marter.  She won’t tell me who it is but says Sharky and Marter are one and the same.  Which they aren’t.  She’s just telling me that.  Everyone else knows who it is.  I know I shouldn’t be hurt at this, but I am.  Alexis and Cassie told me it was Robbie.  So I call Ana Robbie-lover and she hates that!  So, she started this Sharky/Marter thing and has had everyone play along.  It bugs having her like the same person that I like.  No one except Em knows I like him! If I even let on that I like somebody, eventually it’ll get around. So I call him Blue-Eared-Doggy.  Everyone thinks I don’t like anybody.

Something else that hurts inside is that I’ll never have a chance w/ him.  Kerry likes him and she’ll never let him go out w/ anyone else. They were going out & she dumped him – so now I say let him go out w/ whomever he desires.  Which wouldn’t be me.  Robbie looks at Victoria’s Secret catalogs and I certainly don’t belong in there.  I’m a wall.  Totally flat up North.  And to the East and West!  So I’ll never have a chance w/ him.

Happy Half B-day to me! Continue Reading

New Office: Pros and Cons

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

This whole work-home separation has been really a) wonderful and b) hard.

a) Wonderful

– More stairs! I walk up and down at least (and this a conservative estimate) six times the number of stairs I did when I worked at home.  This has to be good for my butt and my general well being.

– Biking! I bike to work!!  So fun.  And Real Simple says that biking gives you more energy which is something I definitely need.

– No cat.  No one is meowing and clawing and trying to eat some of my lunch.

– People!  I talk to at least one extra person every day.  It rocks.

– Way cool space.  Warehouse 416 is a way inspiring place to spend my time.

– Friendship! (Yes, this is somehow different than people.) I have an office mate who is pretty freaking awesome and takes great photos that make the office look even better than it actually is:

(Photos by Sarabek Images)

b) Hard.  And stressful too.

– Rubberbands are hard to locate. I always kept a well-stocked home office which, I now realize, was relied upon in non-home affairs.

– Where to file?? My desk is at work.  I pay my office bills and my home bills at the same time (always have).  Where do my home credit card bills go?  Where do my work bills get filed?  (off subject — why are they not all e-bills??)

– What to do? Get up earlier? The office is in a warehouse that has an art gallery on the ground floor, artist studios and one other business office.  It’s pretty vacant and rather creepy late at night.  Which is when I’m used to accomplishing most of the coding necessary to develop websites…what can I say?  I’m a night person.  It’s quiet — no one calls and I can put on a soap, and get in the coding flow.  I’ve been tried staying late by talking myself out of American Horror Story memories and dissolving into the comfortable lull of Days of Our Live, and then boom!  The timer from the weekly Toastmasters meeting goes off startling the wits out of me and bringing back American Horror Story memories.  SO SCARY.

– No cat.  When I drop some food on the floor, I have to clean it up.  That’s a serious bummer.

 

Call them “Baby”

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Once upon a time I was promiscuous college student with all the behavior one would expect from a promiscuous college student. To that end, I accidentally called my lover by the wrong name one night.

I’m not proud of it, but it happened….and it is pretty funny in retrospect.

I shared this story with my coworkers at the time, and Betsy said, “That’s why you call them ‘Baby.'” Pure gold.

Today I sent an email to the right person and called them the wrong name. Can I help it if I’m juggling a great many clients just at this juncture??*

She called me on it and it was terribly embarrassing. I’m thinking that from now, I address all emails, “Hi there”. Why the “there”?? Why not?**

*I need some help, man. Or to only accept larger projects.
Continue Reading

A Valentine’s Day Tale from Days of Our Lives

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

On this day of celebrating things we love, I’d like to take a moment and celebrate one of the best moments in Days of Our Lives history (in my opinion).

Back in 2003 (I think), Salem was stalked by, well, the Salem Stalker. Gotta love that alliteration.

Anyway, many main characters were killed, and here’s a video of the first of the seven murders. I love youtube.

On New Years Eve, Roman was killed at his and Kate’s wedding*. What followed was a very, very long day filled with police investigations and a lot of talking. Hey, there was a murderer in their midst. Everyone was a suspect and no one was safe.

This day lasted straight through the February 13th episode, in which Brady walked into mansion and said to Nicole, “Is it just me or has this day felt like weeks?!”

It was a rare moment where Days of Our Lives made fun of its very soap opera-esque nature. I loved it, and I love it to this day.

The next day was the Valentine’s Day episode (that probably itself lasted a week) in which all the Salemites were busily expressing their undying love and devotion to their partners. AND, it must be noted, every Valentine’s Day on Days of Our Lives, the men perform dizzying feats of romance — rooftop candlelit dinners, engagement rings in champagne glasses, miraculous returns from being held hostage.

On this day of recognizing love, let’s recognize the idiosyncrasies that make the things we love (like Days of Our Lives) what they are. And let’s be reasonable. A rooftop candlelit dinner is probably not in the cards, but a tender embrace and a pastry probably are. Life is perfect if you love it as it is.

*I know! Roman and Kate!! CRAZY.

Our Rental Resume

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

We made a huge mistake when we picked our most recent roommate. Huge. I honestly can’t understand where we went wrong, but we picked someone who is so completely non-suited to living with us that it’s almost hilarious. Apparently the expectation that one would do their dishes in a timely manner / pitch in with the housework / not leave rotting food everywhere is a little too much for some people.

He claims he’s moving on, but we don’t really believe it. Our landlord forces us to put our roommates on the lease, so we’re pretty much powerless to force him to leave. Unless I pull out all the bitch in me, which I’m really, really trying to avoid doing. But it is so hard. Last week he left a bowl of rotting rice on the counter for SEVEN DAYS. Will had to ask him to deal with it before it was gone. By the end, it was literally coated in black mold. I almost took a photo to prove it to you guys but that’s just gross.

In the end, this might be a good thing. This foray into terrible-roommate-land has left Will and I wanting our own place. And now we are on the hunt.

With everyone else. We love living in the Temescal neighborhood of Oakland, but there’s not a lot available and a great many people are looking. After our first open house, I knew we needed to do something to make ourselves stand out. I’d heard of the concept of a “Rental Resume” where you summarize why the property owner should choose you. Continue Reading

Questions for the Angels

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I’m pretty obsessed lately with the newest Paul Simon album, “So Beautiful or So What?”.

At first it was his fantastic song about bureaucracy in the afterlife, The Afterlife.

And now it’s Questions for the Angels. My favorite line:

If you shop for love in a bargain store
And you don’t get what you bargained for
Can you get your money back?

Beautiful song, yes? We wouldn’t expect anything less from Paul Simon, though, would we? Continue Reading

Of course I was in HEAVEN! Well, not really I kissed him and he said it was lousy – but I still like him and that added to it.

Originally Written on February 2, 1994
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I haven’t written because, quite honestly, there hasn’t been much going on. C’est la barbe! [around here]

That is until today… I guess I’ll have to start at the beginning!

Friday night – Erika had a sleepover B-day party!  I, of course, was there and at about 3 in the morning we played (what else) truth or dare!  Anyway Sarah B. dared me to wear this certain color of lipstick all Tues (we had Mon. off) The color itself wasn’t that bad but it was the consequences that were bad.  If I didn’t wear it on Tues – I had to kiss Dav P. (GEEK) on the cheek w/ bright glow-in-the-dark red!  Guess what?  I forgot the lipstick on Tues! So I had to face the consequences today. Continue Reading