To me, there’s something comforting about writing in here before I go to bed.

Today I apologized to Em for being mad at her. I know before I did, I was being a bitch on the phone [ink color abruptly changes from pink to black]– that pen was not working! Anyway, I talked to Beck and I feel a lot better now! It seems that lately, I’ve been mad at her every other day! She’s just an easy target and I need to express my stress somehow! Sorry, M. Tomorrow, we’re going to the mall.

CIAO!

Becky is gone. Again. It feels like it never happened. It was really great seeing her, and I know that our friendship will never end. But I did and with seeing her, I realized how important her friendship is to me. I know I’ll see her again.

Now I’m scared. Of eight grade. I know that it’ll be the same as it always has been. But after my eighth grade year, we’re moving. And I believe it. The money will come very soon and then we’ll buy a house that’s being built. We saw it today. It’s huge. We’ll spend the school year in that house and then we’re gone for awhile, I wanted to move. I wanted to make a fresh start at a new school. I could figure out who the “happy group” people are and fall into their circle. I could do that. But I love my friends. I don’t want to leave them. This year is going to be my last year with them and I’m going to make it my best. But there are the normal worries and for some STUPID reason I’m worrying about them: What if I don’t know anyone in my classes; What if my friends ditch me + make me a loner; well you get the idea. What is 5th per. lunch like. It’s the same as 7th, I know. It’s going to be so cool, having all of my friends at the same lunch. I don’t want to drift away from any of my friends. I’m not going to worry about eighth grade right now. In about half a month, maybe!

I think I’m going to lay off the Dave thing 4 a while. I find myself thinking about him too much. A few days ago, I really scared myself by thinking that I loved him. I like him, but I don’t love him. I can’t love him. I’m going to try to stop liking him. I have to face the fact that right now a relationship isn’t in the cards for us. A friendship maybe, but not a relationship. I’m sure that when school starts I’ll meet a hella sweet, hella scrumptuous (that’s my new word — means fine) guy. And fall in love. But until then, I’m kinda giving up on Dave. I swear, it’s like I’m obsessed with him. And I don’t like that. There are some guys in summer school. None that I could ever have some interest in. But on Mon, I think I’ll take a look.

Good bye and Good Nite!

We went to see the house again. It’s only a few blocks away. I wish that the money would hurry up and come so we could get it. Mom + Dad had a big fight today. Mom doesn’t want to go back to work, but it looks like she’ll have to. But, now everything’s ok between them.

Tomorrow is the first dress rehearsal. The play is on Wed. I pretty much know my lines and I’m not really nervous.

This week is my last week in summer school. I want it to end, so I can sleep in. But I don’t want it to end ’cause then I’ll have nothing to do.

For some reason, I really miss Em. I haven’t talked to her since Wednesday. I guess it’s kinda that I had alot of company 4 a week — from Beck, and now I’m all by my lonesome. I’ve tried to call Em, but she’s not home. I wanted to do somethin yesterday or today but she wasn’t home. Maybe tomorrow.

CiAO!

Hi! I know I haven’t written in a while, but I’ve been so tired! The plays on Wed. went great! It is really spiffy to be out of summer school. Last night, I went and babysat for Tess, who’s 2. It was fun, I hope they call me again! I can really use the $!

Earlier, Natalie called. We chatted for awhile. Dave just got back from camp today. On Thurs., Natalie came over. We tried to get ahold of everyone, to plan ice-skating. We want everyone to go on Mom. or Tues. Anyway, when Nat called Dave, she left a message with his mom to have him call her when he came back. That’s how we found out he was at camp. So is Jordan.

Anyway Dave had returned Nat’s call before she called me. He told Nat that he had met a girl at camp and he likes her. She lives far away, but they’re going to write. Well, it could be worse. They could be going out or some junk. I’m not that upset. He’s free to like whoever he wants. This just decreases my already low chance with him. I just hope he forgets about her. Or when he sees me again, he falls desperately in love with me. That would be very cool. Not like it would happen any time soon or anything.

My birthday is this Wednesday. I haven’t planned anything for it yet. For some reason, I’m not totally excited about it this year. Up till now, I’ve planned my parties 2 months in advance. I haven’t even given it much thought. Natalie’s going to tell the guys about it. Just so that they have a reason to come. Like if they won’t come for fun, they should come ’cause of my b-day.

I can’t believe 2/3s of the summer has passed. It seems like we just got out of school. But in a little more than a month, It’ll be the first day of eighth grade. And in a year, I’m going to be going into high school. I don’t feel old enough to be almost going into high school. I guess a lot of growth takes place this year. Then again, I don’t feel old enough to be going into the eighth grade.

More Later

What a great day! Skating was hella cool! Em, Nat, me, Dave and Jorday came. I had a great time skating around with my friends. Dave didn’t end up getting me anything, but I got a present in a way.

We spent about half the time inside talking. A few times, I found myself talking to Dave alone while we skated. I also talked to everyone a lot. I hope this pen starts to work.

The pen isn’t going to work.

Back 2 skating…

Once, my skate was really bothering me, so I went to sit on the bleachers to fix it. As I took of my skate, I wished that Dave would come sit by me. He skated by, stopped and joined me! There was an awkward silence for a few seconds. Then we saw Jordan + Em skating towards us. Dave said that he wondered what they’d been doing. It was so funny!

Then everyone was around us. Dave and I (I like that phrase) kept making jokes and laughing. Everyone else looked pissed ’cause they didn’t know the joke. It was really cruel of us, especially with the way Nat. has been feeling about her relationship with Jordan. But I was so wrapped up in the fact that I had been alone with him for a few minutes too realize we were hurting Natalie. So I made Dave apologize, and I apologized numerous times. I feel bad. But, I called earlier and she said it was ok. I know she felt betrayed. I’m sorry, Natalie.

At the end of the session, we had a major snowball fight. After that was over Dave and I (there’s that phrase again!) did that thing where you hold hands with the right hands held, and left hands held, and try to go in a circle. It didn’t work too well. But, HE asked me to do it with him. I thinks that cool!

When I talked to Em after the skating thing, she said a lot of stuff about Dave and I. (My phrase) She said that she caught him checking me out a few times. She also said that whenever I was talking to Jordan, he’d get a look on his face, and skate over. I hope desprately that she’s not stretching the truth. She’s my best friend (or one of them) and sometimes to a friend things seem better than they are. But I hope that it’s true. Believe me, I do. Maybe there is some chance for us after all.

J.G.H.H. <3s D.E.S.

Au revoir!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! WE HAD A NICE FAMILY CELEBRATION THIS EVENING. I GOT LOTS OF NICE, COOL THINGS. IT WAS FUN.

I BET U CAN GUESS WHAT I WISHED WHEN I BLEW OUT THE CANDLES HUH? WELL, I WON’T WRITE IT, CAUSE THEN IT MIGHT NOT COME TRUE. I HOPE IT DOES!

I HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO GET YESTERDAY’S EVENTS OF MY MIND. TODAY IT WAS FUN, BUT NOT AS FUN AS WITH EVERYONE. MY LESSON WAS COOL. I’M LEARNING A LOT. AND HAVING A GREAT TIME.

I’M 13! I FINALLY CAUGHT UP WITH EVERYBODY ELSE. DO YOU REALIZE I’M THE LAST PERSON IN THE “COOL GROUP” TO TURN 13?!!! I HAVE TO PUT “COOL GROUP” IN QUOTES BECAUSE I STILL HAVEN’T QUITE ADJUSTED TO IT YET! I MEAN, NONE OF US ARE ALL THAT POPULAR, SO I DON’T SEE THAT THE NAME FITS. I REALLY HOPE THAT ALL OF US EAT LUNCH TOGETHER THIS YEAR.

I KNOW IT’S A SLIM POSSIBILITY, BUT I REALLY HOPE THAT DAVE CONSIDERS ME A LITTLE MORE THAN A FRIEND. HE CONFIDES EVERYTHING IN NATALIE, AND I REALLY HOPE HE TELLS HER IF HE DOES, WHICH HE PROBABLY DOESN’T. BUT IF HE DOES CONFIDE IN NATALIE, SHE WILL HAVE TO TELL ME. HEY, SHE TOLD ME EVERYTHING ABOUT THE GIRL AT CAMP, EVEN THOUGH SHE WASN’T SUPPOSED TO. I WISH HE’D FORGET ALL ABOUT THIS GIRL FROM CAMP.

WISHFULLY YOURS,

Jennifer Heller

NOW 13!

(I LIKE THAT SIGNING OFF THING MAYBE I’LL START!)

I know I haven’t written in a while, but I was gone for a few days at Tahoe. And there hasn’t been much going on.

On Sunday night, I had a dream:

Em, me, Jordan and another guy were at skating one day. As we were leaving, the guy asked me out. He was a shorter, fatter Jordan. I swear, he looked like Jordan. I accepted, and somehow, decided that his name was Jason. I wanted to call him a few days later, but I didn’t have his phone number, and he didn’t have mine. So I called around and asked for his number. When I got to Em, she said that his name was Brent or something, and no one knew his number. So I didn’t know his name, or have his number.

Then school started and it became major chaos. Jason/Brent kinda disappeared and the dream continued but I don’t remember what happened.

I miss Dave. But I’ll get to see him at Natalie’s party on Mon. It’s a pool party, and I’m making a swim suit just for it! We hope all six of us will be there, and if all of us are, it’ll be the first event where everyone’s there. I hope everyone can make it. I hope Dave can make it.

More later or rather, tomorrow!