Apocalypse Tip of the Day: Make a sleeping bag out of big black garbage bags and newspaper

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

You know someday modern society as we know it is going to collapse and you’re going to need a back up plan.  Or you know that it won’t happen.  I understand that perspective, but what if it does??!

Just in case, here’s a tip to keep in mind.

Take two black garbage bags.  Poke holes in one of them–that’s going to be the inside of your sleeping bag.

Put it inside the other, and fill the area in between the two garbage bags with crumpled newspaper.

The plastic and newspaper will keep you warm; the holes will allow your skin to breathe and the newspaper will absorb your moisture.

For added comfort, pile some newspaper between you and the cold hard ground.

Life is going to be rough, kids.

Thanks to neighbor Jeremy who might just be more paranoid about apocalypse than I am for this great tip which he claims to have read in some book somewhere.

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Thoughts on Easter Sunday

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I found myself exploring the middle region of California on the way up from Bakersfield.  Along the way I got two (!!!!) really nice compliments about my hair, which did look awfully nice considering I had just slept for only five or so hours on my friend’s floor between the hours of 3am and 8:30am.  My friend Laura throws the best parties.

Along the way home we stopped at a Starbucks that was next to a Panda Express.  I was saddened to see families headed to a Panda Express for a high-fat high-sugar high-sodium hella processed Easter meal.

On the other hand, who could resit these two adorable pandas telling us of the magical treasures inside the Panda Express??

Mmm golden treasure shrimp.  Sounds expensive and delicious.  We can rest assured that the money they aren’t spending on quality ingredients is being spent on a decent advertising firm.

Later we ate at a Green Burrito.  The food could have been worse, but the sight of kids drinking sodas bigger than their heads was the real attraction (detraction?). Continue Reading

I went to Swagapalooza and I didn't get an iPad.

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I was inexplicably invited to this event called Swagapolooza last Tuesday evening.  Attendance was strictly limited to tweeters and “digital influencers” from San Francisco.

Flattery will get you a long way with me, as it did when I received the invitation only a week before the event.  I assumed that they hadn’t gotten enough RSVPs and started scraping nearer the bottom of the barrel of local bloggers and tweeters.  Or maybe I have more reach on the Internet then I think I do.

Regardless, I showed up at 7 to get my two free drinks and see if I couldn’t make a new friend.  I was lucky to have gotten to stop by my great friend Corrie’s birthday party just a block or two from the event.  There her partner Ed gave me the idea that at an event called something like Swagapalooza, one might leave with an iPad.

An iPad!  I’m too cheap to buy one, but it would sure be a great addition to our upcoming European adventure (as well as every moment of my life).  Maybe that night was the night?

I reflected on this as I waited for my turn at the bar and checked out the grub they were serving.  Crappy rolled sandwiches I know from attending far too many networking events and pizza.  I was glad I had eaten.

I asked the bartender what was included for my red ticket, and was shocked to discover I could have anything I wanted!  I searched the bottles.  “Anything?” I asked. He nodded.  I noted that this event was heavily sponsored and that I should return as I ordered a Sapphire and Tonic. Continue Reading

Todays topic is our group and why or why not they can’t go on a group outing to the mall

Originally Written on April 20, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Todays topic is our group and why or why not they can’t go on a group outing to the mall:

Emily: 1/2 the time she’s not allowed to + the other 1/2 of the time she’s busy/grounded.

Alex: doesn’t want to

Alexis: isn’t allowed to

Christy: NEVER will be cool enough to

Leena: Who knows.

That leaves Becky + me. Will we be stuck doing everything by ourselves. Not that I mind but I wish more people would come.

Based on the size of my handwriting, I would have predicted a stronger reaction to being stuck going to the mall with Becky all the time.

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Chili Weekend

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Will and I like to make huge batches of different soups.  We freeze half (in Tupperware) and eat it weeks or even months  later.  We eat like kings for a week or two on the other half, normally feeding at least a few friends along the way.

Yesterday I put the beans into soak.  My mom swears that if you rinse the beans, boil them for three minutes, and rinse again before soaking over night, your beans are less gassy.  It’s worth a try, right?

As I filled the giant bowl with water* I noticed some of the beans were all shriveled up and wondered if I normally remove the bad ones, as I’ve read one ought to do.  I started pawing through the beans and as I searched for bad ones, more and more started popping out as bad.  Indeed, I could find an imperfection in about one of every ten**! Continue Reading

Philip Kiriakis' Face Transplant

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

My Internet is abuzz today with the news of ABC canceling both All My Children and One Life to Live to make room for some health & food shows staring B celebrities from reality shows*.

I used to watch One Life to Live with my middle school best friend Becky, but it was never dear to me. Though I am saddened by the shrinking of our daytime soap opera family, I am ultimately just glad it wasn’t Days Of Our Lives that was canceled.  Days, recently renewed by NBC for another two years, has narrowly escaped the guillotine of our media revolution. Woot woot!

Where would we, as a society, be without the convoluted and often hilarious storylines soap operas bring to our lives?  Take, for instance, Philip Kiariakis’ face transpant. Continue Reading

Welcome to Old Fogeyville; Population: Grumpy

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

The Guster turned sixty-five last year (or 11 in human years).  We might not have taken out the cat book and looked up his cat age if the occasion hadn’t brought with it an extreme change in his behavior.

He went from moderately annoyed by our antics to down right grumpy.

To commemorate his new lifestyle, Will found this awesome t-shirt at Thrifttown last weekend.

We put it on him to see if he liked it.

He didn't particularly.

But ultimately admitted that it makes a darn good pillow.

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