Author: Jennifer Heller

New Office: Pros and Cons

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

This whole work-home separation has been really a) wonderful and b) hard.

a) Wonderful

– More stairs! I walk up and down at least (and this a conservative estimate) six times the number of stairs I did when I worked at home.  This has to be good for my butt and my general well being.

– Biking! I bike to work!!  So fun.  And Real Simple says that biking gives you more energy which is something I definitely need.

– No cat.  No one is meowing and clawing and trying to eat some of my lunch.

– People!  I talk to at least one extra person every day.  It rocks.

– Way cool space.  Warehouse 416 is a way inspiring place to spend my time.

– Friendship! (Yes, this is somehow different than people.) I have an office mate who is pretty freaking awesome and takes great photos that make the office look even better than it actually is:

(Photos by Sarabek Images)

b) Hard.  And stressful too.

– Rubberbands are hard to locate. I always kept a well-stocked home office which, I now realize, was relied upon in non-home affairs.

– Where to file?? My desk is at work.  I pay my office bills and my home bills at the same time (always have).  Where do my home credit card bills go?  Where do my work bills get filed?  (off subject — why are they not all e-bills??)

– What to do? Get up earlier? The office is in a warehouse that has an art gallery on the ground floor, artist studios and one other business office.  It’s pretty vacant and rather creepy late at night.  Which is when I’m used to accomplishing most of the coding necessary to develop websites…what can I say?  I’m a night person.  It’s quiet — no one calls and I can put on a soap, and get in the coding flow.  I’ve been tried staying late by talking myself out of American Horror Story memories and dissolving into the comfortable lull of Days of Our Live, and then boom!  The timer from the weekly Toastmasters meeting goes off startling the wits out of me and bringing back American Horror Story memories.  SO SCARY.

– No cat.  When I drop some food on the floor, I have to clean it up.  That’s a serious bummer.

 

Call them “Baby”

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Once upon a time I was promiscuous college student with all the behavior one would expect from a promiscuous college student. To that end, I accidentally called my lover by the wrong name one night.

I’m not proud of it, but it happened….and it is pretty funny in retrospect.

I shared this story with my coworkers at the time, and Betsy said, “That’s why you call them ‘Baby.'” Pure gold.

Today I sent an email to the right person and called them the wrong name. Can I help it if I’m juggling a great many clients just at this juncture??*

She called me on it and it was terribly embarrassing. I’m thinking that from now, I address all emails, “Hi there”. Why the “there”?? Why not?**

*I need some help, man. Or to only accept larger projects.
Continue Reading

A Valentine’s Day Tale from Days of Our Lives

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

On this day of celebrating things we love, I’d like to take a moment and celebrate one of the best moments in Days of Our Lives history (in my opinion).

Back in 2003 (I think), Salem was stalked by, well, the Salem Stalker. Gotta love that alliteration.

Anyway, many main characters were killed, and here’s a video of the first of the seven murders. I love youtube.

On New Years Eve, Roman was killed at his and Kate’s wedding*. What followed was a very, very long day filled with police investigations and a lot of talking. Hey, there was a murderer in their midst. Everyone was a suspect and no one was safe.

This day lasted straight through the February 13th episode, in which Brady walked into mansion and said to Nicole, “Is it just me or has this day felt like weeks?!”

It was a rare moment where Days of Our Lives made fun of its very soap opera-esque nature. I loved it, and I love it to this day.

The next day was the Valentine’s Day episode (that probably itself lasted a week) in which all the Salemites were busily expressing their undying love and devotion to their partners. AND, it must be noted, every Valentine’s Day on Days of Our Lives, the men perform dizzying feats of romance — rooftop candlelit dinners, engagement rings in champagne glasses, miraculous returns from being held hostage.

On this day of recognizing love, let’s recognize the idiosyncrasies that make the things we love (like Days of Our Lives) what they are. And let’s be reasonable. A rooftop candlelit dinner is probably not in the cards, but a tender embrace and a pastry probably are. Life is perfect if you love it as it is.

*I know! Roman and Kate!! CRAZY.

Our Rental Resume

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

We made a huge mistake when we picked our most recent roommate. Huge. I honestly can’t understand where we went wrong, but we picked someone who is so completely non-suited to living with us that it’s almost hilarious. Apparently the expectation that one would do their dishes in a timely manner / pitch in with the housework / not leave rotting food everywhere is a little too much for some people.

He claims he’s moving on, but we don’t really believe it. Our landlord forces us to put our roommates on the lease, so we’re pretty much powerless to force him to leave. Unless I pull out all the bitch in me, which I’m really, really trying to avoid doing. But it is so hard. Last week he left a bowl of rotting rice on the counter for SEVEN DAYS. Will had to ask him to deal with it before it was gone. By the end, it was literally coated in black mold. I almost took a photo to prove it to you guys but that’s just gross.

In the end, this might be a good thing. This foray into terrible-roommate-land has left Will and I wanting our own place. And now we are on the hunt.

With everyone else. We love living in the Temescal neighborhood of Oakland, but there’s not a lot available and a great many people are looking. After our first open house, I knew we needed to do something to make ourselves stand out. I’d heard of the concept of a “Rental Resume” where you summarize why the property owner should choose you. Continue Reading

Questions for the Angels

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I’m pretty obsessed lately with the newest Paul Simon album, “So Beautiful or So What?”.

At first it was his fantastic song about bureaucracy in the afterlife, The Afterlife.

And now it’s Questions for the Angels. My favorite line:

If you shop for love in a bargain store
And you don’t get what you bargained for
Can you get your money back?

Beautiful song, yes? We wouldn’t expect anything less from Paul Simon, though, would we? Continue Reading

Of course I was in HEAVEN! Well, not really I kissed him and he said it was lousy – but I still like him and that added to it.

Originally Written on February 2, 1994
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I haven’t written because, quite honestly, there hasn’t been much going on. C’est la barbe! [around here]

That is until today… I guess I’ll have to start at the beginning!

Friday night – Erika had a sleepover B-day party!  I, of course, was there and at about 3 in the morning we played (what else) truth or dare!  Anyway Sarah B. dared me to wear this certain color of lipstick all Tues (we had Mon. off) The color itself wasn’t that bad but it was the consequences that were bad.  If I didn’t wear it on Tues – I had to kiss Dav P. (GEEK) on the cheek w/ bright glow-in-the-dark red!  Guess what?  I forgot the lipstick on Tues! So I had to face the consequences today. Continue Reading

Loca

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I want to hear from you!!  To that end, I’ve peppered this site with little text boxes where you can share your thoughts and questions without my having ANY IDEA who you are.

Here’s one, in case you want to use it.

Anyway, the other day, I got a submission.  One of you said, simply…

Loca

Well, whoever you are, I am not sure I know what you meant.  Am I crazy?  Are you crazy?  Are we all crazy?

And how crazy is it that there’s an upscale wine bar in France that serves their wine cocktails with candy as the garnish???  Is that not the craziest at all?

You said it.  Loca.  Continue Reading

The Gus Report

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Every year the Guster gets his annual exam from our holistic veterinarians, Creature Comfort. He does not like going to the vet.  He meows and meows and meows and nine car rides out of ten pees in the cat carrier.  Such fun!

Last year, we discovered that he had arthritis in his hind legs and that he was a whopping 17 pounds! His rings of fat only make his arthritis worse. Poor buddy.

Since that development, we’ve been working diligently on getting him to lose weight — even going so far as to subbing out some of his food for mashed pumpkin!  He was really unhappy with that in the beginning, but he’s acclimated alright.  He meows to high heaven all day long because he’s starving, but if he were starving, wouldn’t he have lost more than a pound in the past year?  Sure you’re starving, cat, sure you are.

The vet was sure to point out that losing a pound is quite an accomplishment for an older kitty like Gus.  It’s over 5% of his bodily mass after all! Five points for our furry hero.

I shared with the vet that overall he’s pretty happy (besides the starvation complaints) but that he’s having trouble jumping up on the bed.  To combat that, Dr. Jenny recommends that we sprinkle Nutramax Cosequin for Cats on his dinners to help with his joint health.  He’s turning 12 this year and Cosequin for Cats is apparently a good addition for any aging feline.  Good joint health means a happier kitty.  Done.

Sidenote: Do you have a recommendation for some sexy pet stairs??  I’m in the market.  All the pet stairs I’ve found are terrifyingly ugly.  Gus has an eye for style, you know.  He’s not going to use just any pet stairs to get up to the bed.  I’m thinking something that makes him feel like the king he is…fuzzy red carpet…luxurious padding…

We won’t know for a few days how his blood work turned out, but Gus was sure a sport about the whole thing.  He only peed in the cat carrier once!  How’s that for a happy ending?  Five more points for the Gusman!

Continue Reading

Countdown to Mad Men

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I’ve been obsessed with Mad Men since my mom and her sisters got in a big fight about why her sisters wouldn’t watch it in October of 2010. See, my mom was a working lady in that era much like Peggy, and she took offense at the fact that her sisters didn’t like the show. They got it sorted out eventually and then all of us sat down to watch an episode.

I came home and spent the next two weeks doing nothing but watching every Mad Men episode there was. Since then, Mad Men has caused us to get cable (grrr…Comcast) and many a discussion about Don, Peggy, Pete, Roger…

In fact, when our downstairs neighbors moved and we got a Pete in their place we made jokes about keeping him away from our non-existent nanny. Oh yeah, we’re hilarious.

Like so many of my fellow Mad Men fans, I’ve been riding the stages of grief over the fact that AMC has taken the better part of two years getting the new season going. What’s up with that??

Well, AMC FINALLY announced the date of the premiere of Season 5.  To commemorate this occasion (and anxiously wait for it), I — with the help of my most favorite graphic designer Lindsay and the web development skillz of my web shop, Artsy Geek — created Countdown to Mad Men, the second-to-second update about how long we have to wait for our next fix.

So, join me at CountdowntoMadMen.com and let’s wait with baited breath for the return of our favorite drunks, chauvinists and philanderers.  And if you like it, help me spread the word.  We all need something to look forward to. Continue Reading