All of my feelings look stupid on paper.

I haven’t done my homework in ages. I’m afraid I’m turning into Becky, never doing my homework on time.

Today I stayed home from school. I needed the rest.

Last night I was totally stressed about a history test today. It was open book! Oh, well.

All of my feelings look stupid on paper.

I don’t know who I like. There are a couple people I might like. O.K. for one? I’m not sure if I like Z.S. Ana says he says I’m a bitch. He told me Ana was a bitch. Oh, well. I just think he’s an ass. But I like him. Sort of. I don’t know.

Erica says O.K. likes me. I don’t know. He used to flirt with me. Not anymore though. Oh, well.

Do I like O.K.? I don’t think so.

Do you notice how all of a sudden I’m using initials to refer to my crushes?

The next page is folded in half with the label “Nobody ever open!” Lucky for us, I don’t respect 11-year-old me’s wishes much.

They are initials backwards!!! Such a complicated key just to disguise the crushes I’m not sure I had.

On to a more cheerful subject. If I can find one. Oh, yes Operation Beanbag. I may actually get one. Mom’s exploring other “options.” How can I tell her I don’t want a “chair”?

Chairs are boring. Chairs don’t look good. I wan ta beanbag!!! and a directors chair for my desk.

I’m in a “sign mood.” I am making signs for everything. I even have one for my remote control.

Arguably, I was also in an unnecesary quotation marks mood.

Having a phone’s cool. I can’t wait til I get my own.

Becky’s moving. I geuss I should feel sad, deserted or like I’m losing a piece of me. I don’t.

Yes, you heard me, I don’t. For some reason I don’t. I mean I’m sad and all but I don’t feel like it’s some great loss.

I think I finally have the self-confidence to go on. Except during Art. I feel so out of everything.

can she?

5 thoughts on “All of my feelings look stupid on paper.

  1. 11-year-old-me do your feelings look stupid on the internet? I think not. Also, I could use some rest. Can I have a day off?

  2. I’m horrified you got to stay home (and miss an open book history test) because of stress. The stress: “Do I like O.K. or Z.S.?” What were your parents thinking? Or did they even know about your homework? Middle School is the pits but particularly for the parental units. You were going through a strange period though. Particularly the love affair with bean bag chairs.

  3. Loma and I are almost all caught up. Obviously your 11 yr old you’s problems and hers align nicely. Love, ambition, laziness, all there.

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