I don’t know if you’ve heard, but the Rapture is coming. This Saturday.
Those who are ‘God’s Elect’ will get taken in to heaven. NOTE: You will be taken NAKED. Get a bikini wax and hit the gym.
For those of us who are ‘God’s Elect’ today is the last Monday you will have to suffer. Enjoy it!
For those of us who may not be among ‘God’s Elect’, we have four days to change that. Find a millenarian church service and attend immediately, following all their instructions to a tee.
If you don’t, this Saturday will be the beginning of five months of hell on earth that will end in fiery death on October 21st.
Either way, though, your days are numbered. Quit that job and do something you love for your final days or weeks! It’s what Jesus would have wanted.