Well, after five long months, I am proud to say that I am finally free of my ROOMMATE FROM HELL (RFH).
And, wonderfully, free from all roommates. I’d like to take this opportunity to kick off a series of horrible roommate stories. Do you have one? Please share them in the comments or send to email@example.com. Bonus points if you have photos to go with!
To kick it off, here’s a good one…
Bright Idea: Let’s Pee on the Toilet Seat
I had just returned to the house to work on moving our final items. The house, as usual, stank to high heaven of rotted food and cigarettes. That wasn’t the worst of it…no the worst of it was the pee on the toilet seat. It was caked on there, nice and sticky and yellow. This guy didn’t drink much water — so much was apparent.
‘Why would anyone pee on their own toilet seat??’ I wondered to myself as I shook my head in disgust. Thank god I had peed before I left the house. I had long before decided NOT going to clean up after this idiot any more.
And then he’s back. Unfortunately. I recognize that I need to say something, given that I have to return to this apartment that I once loved so much a few more times to get my remaining things. I approached, reluctantly.
“Hey there. ” I mustered up my best friendly voice.
The RFH grunted a greeting…if you could call it that.
My blood boiled. I took a deep breath, and asked him, “Hey, could you refrain from peeing ON the toilet seat? We still need to use the bathroom…”
This was all I could take. “OH JEEZ???” I wanted to scream, but I kept my voice as calm and still as I could. “‘OH JEEZ’ is your response to my request for common courtesty?!!”
“Oh come on. There’s only a few days left.”
Well, he was right about that. I only had a few days to get in the hundreds of barbs I’d been working on. I took the opportunity. “I hope your new place is as slovenly as you’d hoped this one would be.”
And turned on my heel and walked away.