Four years ago, I posted about my life going into turbomode. I had just been promoted at the BSC (formerly USCA) to the position of Development Director in a year that came with a 75th anniversary gala for 300 and an accompanying fundraising campaign.
On this day in 2012 I find myself in turbomode again. Only this time my life has been hijacked by a booming business and a sudden change in housing after a long four and a half years.
The trouble is that every time I wind up in turbomode — or just busy — I find that I forget me. My social life persists (with some exceptions)…as does my work for others. But the self preservation activities that feed my soul: writing, creating and exercise…all of them out the door.
The Oaxacan wood carving I started 8 weeks ago with a fervor stands unfinished (headless, to be specific) and neglected. This blog — one of my favorite projects — barely updated.
I’m a people pleaser. I always have been. Back when I had life coaching every week, I called that side of me Little Miss Puppet. Little Miss Puppet calls a lot of the shots…she’s always the top priority. What can I do for you today?
But what should I do for me?
Yesterday I sat on the couch all day definitely not nursing a hangover the size of Texas. I caught up on Desperate Housewives and Community and didn’t think about anything. All of a sudden I wanted — no, needed — to create. My brain started to bubble with blog ideas and plans.
This is the end of my Saturn Return, a time when Saturn’s 30 year old orbit crosses my sky again.* Saturn’s return forces us to face what’s not working for us. If we face the lessons in its first orbit, they’re easier to take…changes that happen after 60 years of life can be much harder.
I’ve been pretty aware of my Saturn Return since I was 28, though I’ve neglected to share about it here. It wasn’t without inspiration, let me tell you. Yet another thing to blame on Little Miss Puppet! Bah, that Little Miss Puppet.
At its onset, my Saturn Return forced me to recognize that I was not happy working for someone else’s mission, even if it was a non-profit with a worthy cause. It forced me to follow my dreams and live the life of an entrepreneur…as crazy as it has been.
Since I have come face to face with that fact that I’m uncomfortable living beyond my means. That was a tough one. I’ve also come to understand that — as an enthusiastic collector of stuff — I need to keep all of it in order. When it’s disorganized and hard to find I get very grumpy…at myself and the world around me. As much as I haven’t really wanted to admit it, I seek order.
And I seek to take care of me. To find a way to prioritize the hours that feed my soul, even if it means letting down a friend here or there. I’m not sure how to make this happen, but it’s an important project to undertake.
And, I’m hoping, the final lesson of my Saturn Return.
*perhaps not exactly right but pretty close