If I die, I love everybody. I know I’ll die just not yet.

Damn, it’s been a long time. Hmm. Well, last weekend was very boring. I don’t think I did much of anything. Lisa probably came over. Oh and Friday (10-4) I went over to Amanda’s. That was wierd. I’m sick of trying to invict morals to the morally deprived! Oh, well. I guess lecturing Amanda for the billionth time about AIDs and pregnancy is completely normal by now. Erika was sick but she’s pretty much better now. Oh! I’m a hell of a lot happier now. Much. I do love myself. I did my book report all last weekend. All last week, I was happier. Shawn H. was pissed at the world, Mike was down on himself, James was with Amy V., Erika was back, Bryan was with Lannie, Fred was flirtacious and Lisa was Lisa.

I’m back to being really good friends with with Bryan. That’s good. I missed him. He’s together with both this junior cheerleader Lani check and Kristen. Sick. James and Amy are somewhat together which absolutely repulses me. She’s become a person which is even more repulsive. Oh, I don’t know. Last week really wasn’t real.

In English, we’re doing this group project and my group is Erica G. and Heather W. I went over to Erica’s today and last Thursday. It’s wierd. I’m friends with Heather now. She’s incredibly sweet. I worked all week on my story. The deadline was Friday. I turned it in, but it’s 1900 words so I don’t think they’ll print it. I’m really proud of it. Daddy doesn’t like it, but he’s stupid. Not really. But I like it. And that’s all that matters. Neon Helix is my pen name. I like that.

I went to a football game two nights ago. It was wierd, but fun. Not really man Humphrites went. Last night James and I went to Lyon’s. We had so much fun! After spending two hours there we went walking and got incredibly lost. We ended up at Lucky’s! But it was fun. I love them. Today I got up and ate breakfast. Later, I made and frosted a cake and made biscuits. Happy Birthday Daddy! And, you know what? I had fun. I never have fun w/ my family but I realize that is just my narrow-mindedness. I had fun at Erica’s today too. tonight I was talking to James (he was high and we got on the subject of me. What goes around finally came around I got some love back. I’m happy to be me. James said I’m beautiful. I’m glad. I needed that. I think I’ve become more independent. I know I have. And I’m loving that about myself. I love changing. It’s refreshing. I’ve had a good week, ever so much better than the last one. I’m doing really well in school. I’m working harder this year. I want a 4.0. I want to go to CAL. I’m glad I have some motivation. I’m glad I’m me. I’m sorry if this is a sappy entry but sometimes you just need a little sap to make you wash your hands. Oh never mind. Happy Birthday Daddy! love you. Love the world. James made me pray this evening. I prayed for forgiveness for all my sins and for not believing in God. I meant it all. James is going to drop out of high school. No he’s not. He’s going to get his diploma by taking this test. I think it’s what’s right for him and I respect that. I’ll support him. Bryan’s two-timing. I won’t support that.
If I die, I love everybody. I know I’ll die just not yet. But my only request out of life is to die happy and I’m happy. But I’m happy a lot of the time, so why now? Well, have a good idea!

Love always,

Note from present day Jen:

I love how in the span of one very, very long paragraph, I went from remarking on how repulsive it is that someone I’ve known since 3rd grade is becoming a person in my eyes to declaring how mature and grown up I am.

Did you notice the hanging parenthesis? Let’s fix that.) How about how I spell weird incorrectly every time? It took me YEARS to learn how to spell it right, and I’m worried typing it wrong so often as I post these will undo all the good I’ve worked so hard to do.

I especially like my made-up word “invict.” The same year I had to memorize the poem “Invictus” so perhaps that could be the source.

A lot of time when I publish these entries I break the long paragraphs into smaller paragraphs for your (and my) legibility. I didn’t do that here so that you really get the vapid nature of this entry. It’s a lot like the last chapter of the Philosophy of Andy Warhol, where it’s the transcript of a phone conversation between him and one of his lady friends…all about nothing for sentences and sentences and sentences. Was he saying that life is nothing but drivel? Am I saying that now by posting these? Am I thinking too much?

A man who hates drivel, I’d like to wish my father a Happy Birthday. It was yesterday but as someone who grew up to enjoy my family immensely, I was sure to call last night.



0 thoughts on “If I die, I love everybody. I know I’ll die just not yet.

  1. If it makes you feel any better i don’t think i learned to spell “weird” until 2 years ago. And i still have to make an effort to make sure it comes out right. Maybe we learned to spell it wrong together in 4th grade or something.

  2. It’s true that I probably didn’t really learn how to spell it correctly until just a few years ago. I bet we did! Who was our teacher? Let’s look her up and get to the bottom of this!

  3. I spelled it wrong until one day in 2000-something Jessica made a huge stink about how we’re all spelling it wrong all the time. I’ve spelled it right ever since. Thanks Jess.

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