I got a card in the mail

from this nonprofit I send money to. I like to think of it like I’m sending money straight to my adopted daughter in Vietnam, but I know it’s not really like that.

I sent her some colored pencils and a coloring book for her birthday. That wasn’t what the card was about though.

It’s been one year since I began supporting Nguyen. My thirty dollars a month makes so much available in her life.

That’s me. Philanthropic.

That’s me. Self-indulgent.

I had a conversation today about the nature of personality. It was my most favorite conversation today. And I had some doosies.

(How does one spell “doosies”? I’ve never known.)

Are we each a unique bundle of characteristics? Isn’t that what makes us each who we are? But if so, how many can change and yet can we still be the same?

And if not characteristics, then cells? No, cells are replaced in time. We are what we eat, and we grow out of our transient nutrients. The body is such a wonderfully dependable system.

Is the personality such a wonderfully dependable system?

Today, I’m freaking out. A week ago, I was ecstatic. Complete.

How funny how time goes.

In my cult the other day, we wrote down what we know about ourselves. For instance, I wrote, “I like to drink in airport bars and I abandoned my cat.” And so on for a half page or so.

Presumably, when I get my cat from my mom and dad’s on Friday, that particular characteristic will cease to be true.

But I’ll still be me.

I’m still me even though I freak out sometimes.

Isn’t the nature of a decision a limitation on the world? In which case, wouldn’t we be better off had we never decided to be a certain way? Or is it too intrinsic to the nature of dna that we should decide?

What is a decision anyway?

It all depends on your context, your world.

And my world is tired.

Whatchu think?

0 thoughts on “I got a card in the mail

  1. I spell it d-o-o-z-y. Plural: doozies.

    I think that characteristics & personlity traits, while they can be temporary indications or manifestations of one’s “self” are not, in fact, one’s true self.

    I tend to vent frustration at my brother more harshly than at others – a holdover from younger days when I used to be a twat and pick on him mercilessly (not that I’ve ceased to be a twat, I just no longer pick on him)… but I’m also working at knocking it off. I’m working really hard at it. And I’m making progress. And some day I hope to knock it off altogether. So I am becoming less a person who vents at my brother, and more a person whose actions reflect the love & respect I feel for him inside. Has my identity changed? My self? Certainly not. I’m still me. Therefore, that nasty habit of mine is not who I am. (Doesn’t let me off the hook, though.)

    Though I hate to draw upon “The Matrix” for wisdom, there’s a great quote in it:

    “The Matrix cannot tell you who you are.”

    As for what can/does tell you who you are…that’s a whole other can ‘o’ worms…

  2. I spell it d-o-o-z-y. Plural: doozies.

    I think that characteristics & personlity traits, while they can be temporary indications or manifestations of one’s “self” are not, in fact, one’s true self.

    I tend to vent frustration at my brother more harshly than at others – a holdover from younger days when I used to be a twat and pick on him mercilessly (not that I’ve ceased to be a twat, I just no longer pick on him)… but I’m also working at knocking it off. I’m working really hard at it. And I’m making progress. And some day I hope to knock it off altogether. So I am becoming less a person who vents at my brother, and more a person whose actions reflect the love & respect I feel for him inside. Has my identity changed? My self? Certainly not. I’m still me. Therefore, that nasty habit of mine is not who I am. (Doesn’t let me off the hook, though.)

    Though I hate to draw upon “The Matrix” for wisdom, there’s a great quote in it:

    “The Matrix cannot tell you who you are.”

    As for what can/does tell you who you are…that’s a whole other can ‘o’ worms…

  3. Jen Quote of the Day:

    “I want to slide my phone down this banister, but at the bottom it will break.”

    DING DING DING DING!

    WINNER!

  4. Jen Quote of the Day:

    “I want to slide my phone down this banister, but at the bottom it will break.”

    DING DING DING DING!

    WINNER!

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