The Mattress Guy

First conversation I have with the Mattress Guy, I wind up innocuously suggesting we go out for a drink. His response:

“Yeah, I meet girls at these shows and I have sex with them, but we have to go straight to my hotel cause I have to be in bed by twelve-thirty.”

So, I spent the next few days—still flirting with him, for some reason—but, more relevantly, wondering how it is he gets the girls actually to go straight to bed with him. I kept thinking I’d need at least one drink. Not that I don’t think he’s cute. I do. But my friends don’t. And he is forty, and seemingly awfully dirty.

A few days later I understood. I was walking past him and he shouted, “Damn girl! When am I going to get you in bed?!” It really wasn’t much of a question, but more of a comment. And all the neighboring vendors heard. But that’s okay cause the Vita Mix guys heard me tell one of my pals that I was “totally going to do him.”

Ah life. Thank god I’ve decided to uphold my New Years Resolution not to sleep with random men.

Speak up peeps.

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