Dear Lord,

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Please, I write because I am in desperate need of your guidance.

You see, I have all this bar of Touch of Mink Soap (accidentally acquired at the Western Washington Fair). Touch of Mink is a line of skin care comprised mainly of mink oil. I had no idea what mink oil was, but I was considering giving the products a try. Women were constantly leaving the Touch of Mink booth exclaiming about how soft their skin was.

“What is Mink Oil, anyway?”

A Touch of Mink represantative had recently purchased two sets of my annoying yet popular magical “Install Self Diverse Electric Rail-Car” game. We had gotten on the subject of the Touch of Mink products, and she had given me a bar of soap from her personal collection for me to try. “It’s actually the oil that lines between the muscle and the skin. It’s harvested once the cadaver is skinned.”

She actually used the word cadaver.

Please, please Lord..what shall I do with this Touch of Mink soap? I can’t even touch it.

Also, I really need to know who could use a bunch of twist ties. They’re long and red and of fairly high quality. They once accompanied a lot of garbage bags–the big, black ones–and now occupy a rather coveted space on my desk. Do you think my adopted daughter in Vietnam could use them for something?

Oh, and who should I vote for in tomorrow’s election?

Thanks in advance for your prompt attention to these time-sensitive and terribly important matters.

Cooperatively yours,
Susie J.

sometimes

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

you forget that you ever had a blog.

I’ve been living in my aviators. They block the sunlight. They let me believe that in fact I do not have enough time.

The other day I finally got:

I have as much time as I have. And it’s as much time as I make it.

Finally!

Since then…

I’ve reorganized the kitchen and planted my garden with the most adorable and loving plants the Universe could create.

And then I realized…
(and thanks to g. too)

that I might indeed have enough time for a blog.

No promises. It’s hard enough keeping all the promises I’ve already made. (That’s my new game…keeping promises. Believing what I say.)

The question (as usual): How can I choose to interpret an–apparently–overbearing and demanding friendship so I am loving and peaceful?

Today,

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I crashed into the car in front of me. It’s my fault, according to State Farm, even though she slammed on her brakes first, and the light was green.

Since then, I’ve been awfully depressed. Work’s a nightmare, life’s a nightmare, yadda yadda.

But then I read my friendster testimonials. From the beginning. And it made everything okay again. Even though for some reason friendster has duplicated every testimonial.