5. Turning a Fun Social Reunion Totally Awkward
It was the Sunday before Christmas. I was out shopping with Julia and doing what I do best: visiting local businesses, saying hello and giving them some money. I love supporting indie businesses!
I particularly wanted to visit a colleague’s shop. I hadn’t seen her new shop yet and I was excited to see her wares. They were expensive, btw.
I walk in. She says enthusiastically, “Hey! Long time no see!”
She remembers me!! She remembers me! I was excited. I like her a lot. She has done some amazing stuff in her life; it’s inspiring to even know her.
I hurry over, excited to talk. I try to remember: she’s married to a fellow creative genius. A male fellow creative genius. They’ve been married for awhile, and that’s when I see her more clearly! She must be pregnant!! How very exciting!!
“Hi!!” I hurriedly approach her as my mind races with all these exciting thoughts. When is she due? Is it a boy or a girl? How will this affect her ability to run her own business?
My face must have ebullient. I like babies. “Are you pregnant?!?”
4. Turning an Awkward Situation Even More Awkward. If that Were Even Possible.
She looked kind of confused and shocked by my question.
In my mind this meant only one thing: She didn’t hear me clearly.
“Are you pregnant?” I ask again, equally as excited for her new family member as before.
“No…” she said, blushing and looking away.
3. Continuing the Conversation
“Oh!!” At this point I get it. She’s not pregnant.
And I just asked if she was not once. No, not just once. Twice. I was mortified.
“I’m sorry!” I gasped. My face must have been beet red. What could I say? My mind raced…what could I say? How could I fix this?
Time is running out. She’s looking away; she wants me to go away; I’ve ruined whatever friendship might have been. I have to fix this.
“It must be your sweater.”
Genius me. Absolute genius. Now you’ve insulted her sweater.
2. Still Continuing the Conversation.
At this point, what do you do? I’ve inadvertently suggested that I think she looks fat, and that her sweater makes her look fat. It looked like such a nice, cuddly and warm sweater. It was so cold that day. I wear sweaters that make me look fat all the time. Oooh what have I done??
Yes. At this point I attempt to make small talk. All of my social grace had flown out of the window by now…and it wasn’t coming back.
She was nice about it…answered a few questions before someone — THANKFULLY — needed her help to purchase one of her handmade and adorable goods.
With a huge sigh of relief, our conversation ended.
1. Telling Julia about My Faux Pas. In the Store.
Did I mention that my social grace had flown out the window? Oh, yes, it had. It was up there in the sky dancing with the rainclouds by now. Probably telling them that they looked pregnant too.
I wandered around the store politely inspecting the goods and hoping to find something for someone on my list. I didn’t.
Julia was on the other side of the store. “Oh my god,” I said under my breath. “Oh my god.”
“What??” Her face was expectant. I could tell she could tell it was going to be good.
“I just asked that girl if she was pregnant.” I was talking as quietly as I could muster given my mortified state. I hope she couldn’t hear me. She was on the other side of the store, after all. But, really…what possessed me to bring this up while we were still IN THE STORE?? Couldn’t I want five minutes til we were on the street?
No. I was that embarrassed.
Julia was shocked. “YOU NEVER DO THAT!!!” That might have been audible across the store. I hope it wasn’t.
Julia continued, “Don’t you know that?? Everybody knows that!! Oh my god.”
I hung my face in shame. We exited the gift shop.
Julia sighed, “Well, I guess now you do.”
5 thoughts on “5 Most Embarrassing Moments of 2012”
Ughhh…I am still cringing at this…will I ever get over it?
the truly important part is that you used this lesson for good. i am also, as you know, prone to over-exuberance and loss of social graces simultaneously. really, it came from the heart.
CarolineColesworthy It is true that I will never, ever, ever, ever again ask anyone if they are pregnant. Ever.
It did come from the heart…just the heart that didn’t realize how bad a situation could turn. Glad to be in such great company of the sometimes over-exuberant and socially graceless!!
I just started babysitting for a new family, and on my very first night there they sweetly bought a burger and fries for me for dinner. The fries were a little cold by the time I went to eat, so I stuck them in the oven under *the broiler* (note mistake number one), then I went along fixing a little dessert for one of the angels I was caring for. Next, I take this little love bug to go brush his teeth and we hop into bed to read a book. About halfway through the Avengers I say, “Hm, something smells hot… what could that – OH EFFFFFFFFFFFF!” I jump off the bed and run into the kitchen and the fries. are. on. FIRE. Actual yellow flames are jumping off of these fries. I start saying, “Oh ess, oh ess, oh ess!” (except I was not censoring myself). Now, the very sensible mom I was working for told me before I left that if anything happened, their neighbors were home – So I prop the door open, run to the apt. next door and pound on the door. A lovely little lady opens the door and I blurt out, “HiI’mbabysittingnextdoorandIjuststartedafireintheoven!” And I ran back into the apartment. She comes over, cool as a cucumber, with a fire extinguisher in hand – as all smoke alarms are going off in the apartment and now in the very smokey hallway – but the fries have already burnt themselves out. All is well. No one was hurt. The baby didn’t even wake up. I thank the neighbor and try to calm down my thousand-beats-a-minute heart. Once calm, I survey the damage in the oven. The cookie sheet is totaled. The oven is covered in soot. Then, as I start to look more closely around…. everything, every single surface in their apartment is covered with a fine dusting of ash. EFFFF! I start cleaning, and continued cleaning for the next four hours until the parents returned. I told them, while barely being able to look them in the eyes, what had happened…. and they (THANK GOD) were so totally cool about it. And that was one of the most embarrassing evenings of my life. That whole time I was cleaning I was just fantasizing about their reaction and how much they were going to hate me. I’ll be back at their place on Monday morning to start watching their kids regularly while Mom is at work. I will have a box of Mr. Clean magic erasers and a new cookie sheet in hand…
hosterman Lauren that is the best story ever!!!! Oh my goodness…why is life so stressful sometimes??