Last night could have quite possibly be the worst dance I’ll ever go to. For a while, I just saw Justin, but I finally spotted Eric. I guess it was so bad because I realized, “hey, I have not chance!” Eric has no idea who the hell I am, and everytime I saw him he had 4 or 5 girls all over him. Running their fingers through his hair, trying to get him to dance with them. If he even noticed I was there, he probably didn’t recognize me from Art & PE.
Justin was a different story, but another depressing one. I went out of my way to right beside him on those rare times when he wasn’t dancing with anyone. I know he saw me, but he didn’t see me. His eyes went right through me. I know there was one time when he did see me, I was practically in tears because he was dancing with someone else. I was walking to go outside to go talk to someone or some junk and he was dancing with this blond. I remember walking past him and him seeing me probably really for the first time that night. I hope he saw the tears in my eyes. I hope he realizes they were threatening to fall because of him. But I don’t hope so. Then he would know how I feel. I just hope he felt a twinge of empathy for me. I hope he cared. I hope he wanted to go talk to me, to find out what was wrong. Of course I couldn’t very well tell him it was him. That I loved him. Oh well. He could have anyone he wanted. Why would he want me?!!!
WHY DO I HAVE TO LIKE THE ONES I CAN’T HAVE!!! I swear-it’s always the same way with me. Always the cute, sweet ones. I wish I could like Jeff, or someone I could have!
Well one good thing came out of the evening. I figured that they weren’t going out. They were dancing with so many different people it’s obvious they weren’t.
I don’t know why I’m so upset. I mean, what did I expect? For them to throw themselves at my feet and worship the ground I walk on? It’s never happened before. I just need to wake up and face reality. I’m not going to get either one of them.