I had a strange request the other day.

You ever get those strange requests? It’s like 9 a.m., and you’re checking your email with your head weight on. You know, the head weight that sets your spine for the day, and has changed your whole outlook on life. The one that your chiropractor requires you to wear for twenty minutes at the beginning and end of every day. That one.

So, you’re checking your email, and a little flustered already thinking about the day ahead. You got this promotion you didn’t really want, though you wanted it anyway, and now it’s stressing you out. Go figure.

And there it is. A long email from someone you haven’t heard from in awhile. Someone who was once very dear to you and whose absence was very much a subject for this blog. Someone who has given you years of entertaining stories, and……

You knew he was engaged. He told you over Christmas, and you weren’t surprised. It was years ago, and you’re so over it.

But then, here he is, asking you to be his maid of honor in leiu of a best man. In lieu of a best man!

What are you going to talk about?

Recount the first dinner you had together where you thought you were going to go out, and instead he said, “Well. Do you want to have what I’m having for dinner, or do you want to have something else?”

To which you responded, “Um. What are you having for dinner?”

1 can of salmon, wild.
2 apples
1 orange
16 tablespoons of peanuts
32 ounces of water

No, no that story is not appropriate. Neither is the one where you told him that you thought he’d sold your relationship short after he’d broken up with you with the line, “If you were on my maintenance crew, I’d have fired you by now.”

Cause you were always fashionably late.

Still are. It’s one of those endearing qualities that makes you so reliably unreliable.

The upshot: Come August 18th, I’ll have fashioned a speech out of none of my favorite stories, and maybe some mutual friends share.

At least I have some time. I might join Toastmasters so that I might present my speech with the greatest of ease. Not that I really have trouble with public speaking as long as I have a drink in me.

Cheers to BOOZE!! Oh, I mean, my ex-bf and his new love.


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