Super Sponge Hook Lines

In preparation for my upcoming job selling the super sponge at a county fair, I’ve decided to devote a lot of time and thought to developing various marketing gimics. Audience participation was a good suggestion. And yes, I know, I need a shill, and I am taking volunteers (unpaid).

Most importantly, I have problem with the beginning of my demo. “Come on up and feel the super sponge” just isn’t working for me. And since the point, after all, is to sell as many sponges as I can, I compiled the following list of various hook lines:

• “Feel the super sponge. It will save your life! Or your house from flooding.”
• “Hey ladies. This is what a wet sponge feels like.”
• “Hey folks, step right up and feel the super sponge. It’s the only sponge you’ll ever need!”
• “Hey, Mom and Dad. Do you ever have a mess that needs cleaning up?”
• “Here ladies/folks, feel the super sponge. It’s a different kind of cleaning tool.”
• “Hey guys, how ya doing? Do you have problems with spills?”
• “Come on up and meet the only sponge you’ll ever need!”
• “Hey y’all…this sponge will save your life!”
• “Ever have a mess to clean up?”
• “Behold! the sponge of tomorrow… today!!!”*
• “Is your man messing around behind your back? Maybe you need a better sponge!”*
• catch someone’s eye, hold sponge like football] “Catch! [throw sponge to audience member] With the Super Sponge, you score a touchdown every time!”*
• “Hey ladies! The novelty of this sponge will distract you from the soul-deadening drudgery of your unsatisfying lives for a short time.”*

The winner, however, involves the following routine:

I’m going to sit at my booth with a cup of water. Whenever people walk by, I’m going to accidentally knock the cup over, scream “OH NO!” and say “Phew, thank goodness I have the super sponge!” as it rapidly absorbs the spill. “This sponge acts like a vacuum, quickly and easily absorbing all liquids and oils… Wanna feel?”

*Thanks to Will for these particularly inspirational suggestions