Susiejster’s Life Resume

Susie J.
susiej@gmail.com

Objective: Remain broke, free of commitment, and unemployed.

Education:
University of California at Berkeley
Double B.A. in Cognitive Science and Philosophy.

Skills:
· Overreacting; causing scenes; melodrama.
· Double booking; forgetting to return phone calls, emails, letters.
· Saying precisely what shouldn’t be said
· General merriment
· Wasting time on computers

Relevant Experience:

Pleasant Individual
6/16/2005, for example.
Pulling up to a stop light, I made eye contact with a baby in the car next to me. Instantly friends, we made faces and danced at each other for the length of the light. When it was time for me to pull away, she blew me a kiss!

Temporary Employee
7/3/2004 – present
I worked off and on at this one place for the last five years. They recently opted not to employ me on a permanent basis.

Drunk
8/3/1997 – present
I started drinking at sixteen and never looked back. Once I commit, I’m in for the long haul.

Serial Dater
8/3/1997 – present
I can handle dating multiple people at once. A useful consequence is that I’m fairly good at handling rejection.

– References available upon request –

Speak up peeps.

3 thoughts on “Susiejster’s Life Resume

  1. Um, I think you mean 2001 instead of 2004. I still think of you as that new receptionist with the polka-dot head scarf. I was a little concerned about our competing cuteness at the front desk. <3

  2. Wow. That’s really true. I worked there for so long. What’s kinda funny about this post is that I got the job I’m referring to a few months later.

    And you’re darn right we were competing for cuteness! It was the heyday of our lives. Just kidding. We’re still in our heyday.

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