A Muddler: The Poor Boozer’s Coffee Grinder

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Once upon a time Will and I were addicted to coffee.  That time may or may not be now.

We were out of ground coffee the other day.  We were not, however, out of coffee, just ground coffee.  Without a coffee grinder, we stood around the kitchen looking at each other for awhile.

“How about a mortar and pestle?”

Well, we didn’t have one of those.

But what we did have was a muddler — the necessary tool for making Mojitos and Old Fashioneds.  A muddler and a plastic cup.

We weren’t sure it would work, but we were desperate.

And you know what? It did. So, boozers, if you’re out of ground coffee and have a muddler around, no need to suffer through caffeine withdrawal. No, all you need a plastic cup and a lot of elbow grease and you’re back in business.

Phew. Continue Reading

Money Saving Tip for 2012: Keep Wearing those Torn Jeans

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Awhile ago I posted about my painful life lesson: skinny jeans rip.  I was in love with my skinny jeans — wearing them all the time — and then RIIIP boom they had a big old hole in the crotch.

Well since then I must have lost three more pairs of jeans — skinny or otherwise — to holes in the crotch or butt.  They’ve been accumulating in a pile waiting to be taken to the tailor so that I might get them repaired and wear them again.

I’m fairly slow at accomplishing that sort of non-essential life task.  Thankfully in the interim I discovered the solution: wear bike shorts underneath!

No matter how you look at it, I’m saving money.  I’m not buying new jeans, and I’m not paying a tailor. And, you know, the number of people inspecting my crotch for holes is probably pretty small, so I figure I’m fooling the majority of the people.  Continue Reading

I wish I was a different person

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Someone who likes getting up early. (And also one that wasn’t such an OCD crazy person when it comes to living with people. That one sucks. But it must be noted, also keeps a very tidy and wonderful house 🙂 )

This morning I intended to get up at the same time as my boyfriend (6 a.m.!). I’ve always wished that I enjoyed the mornings…but I don’t. I’ve toyed with the idea that in 2012 I will get up at 6 a.m. every day.

Get up, do some yoga, read a book and head to work by 8am. If I were to get up at 6 every morning, then t hose 7 a.m. meetings I might have won’t be such a horrible shock to the system.

But 6 a.m.! It’s still dark! You can’t even tell what the weather is going to be like. Today I looked out at 6 a.m. when I was up making my boyfriend a heart-shaped egg in a pan I got him for Christmas, and I wondered, will it rain? Will it be sunny? Will it be cold or temperate? I don’t even know!!

How is a person supposed to get dressed with such a scarcity of information?! How is one supposed to enjoy the mornings when there’s no sunshine and that bed is so damn warm and a cat so fluffy to cuddle??

Really, I need to know. I want to enjoy mornings in 2012! Continue Reading

I didn’t realize the finding a roommate would be so hard!

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Somehow we managed to write the best Craigslist ad ever. Or maybe it’s just the time of year. Joey says that people move a lot in November because of Mercury being in retrograde or something.

Regardless, we have had an overwhelming response to our ad.  I’ve filled the available room twice and never had this experience.  Every other time there was a clear winner — the lesser of the evils.  This time, I love everyone.  I want to live with everyone.  They are all so intriguing and so chill.

Living in the SF Bay. So many cool people. Most of the time it’s a blessing but today it’s a curse. Continue Reading

Life Lessons: Pumpkins Rot

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I carved a fantastic cocktail glass (GLOAT!) in a pumpkin the day before Halloween. That was a Sunday. I put it on a shelf in my kitchen, and could not wait to display it at our Lushes in Love Cocktail Lounge Salon that coming Friday. Could not wait.

Friday came. My house guest and great friend Jen E. called me while I was out running errands. “The pumpkin is rotted!” she proclaimed. “And there are flies everywhere!!”

“But it’s for tonight!! OH NO!” I was perplexed. I hate flies, but I loved my pumpkin.

“It has to go outside.” She was not going to budge. I growled into the phone for a little bit and then finally agreed.

Thank god I did. It’s five days later and we’re still battling the flies everywhere.

GROSS. No wonder people normally keep them outside. Continue Reading

She said that I will probably discontinue our friendship because I’m more advanced.

Originally Written on November 2, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Tonight before ice skating I looked in my underwear and it was full of pus. Later I told Emily. She said that I will probably discontinue our friendship because I’m more advanced. I can really sympathize with her. She was really upset.

When I told Mom about it (just now) she showed me where her pantyliners are and asked me questions, like “is it red?” No, it was clear. gross, huh? She said “sometimes the vagina gives discharge for no reason. By the time I got out of there I was sweating gallons.

Onto a different subject… All today people were talking about how some guy liked me with the last name that began with “M”. I could win an emmy for that acting job since Emily told me after band that it was Jeff M. I had to pretend through to the end of lunch til I guessed it. Jeff knew that some guy liked me and wanted to know who. He kept denying it was him, without ever being accused! It was obvious Alexis (who started it) was right. She said all through our surprise presentation in block yesterday, Jeff was watching me. Great!

Anyway, he kept calling the guy who liked me a girl and it was so funny! He was calling himself a girl. It was hilarious.

Finally he found out it was him, and denied it (for the hundreth time!). Today was a tres bien day. a tout a l’heure! Continue Reading

On Laundry Day

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Our neighbor Lois is a hilarious elderly lady.  She loves our cat Shawn and is always letting us know what’s going on with him and his outdoor exploits.  She goes to conventions every year filled with people who also share the name Lois.  Who does that?  Lois does!

The other day Will was managing the laundry situation (a big job!) and Lois was monitoring his activity.  I don’t blame her; life is pretty boring.  She’s also known to monitor and report in detail on the status of our trash bins…whether they’re full or empty, picked up or not.

Anyway, Will says to her, “Almost done!”

“Ah!  Very good.  Almost done.” Lois seems satisfied with this answer.

A philosophical wind blew through Will.  “But…is laundry ever done??”

Lois cackled.  “Ha!  That’s true.  Laundry’s never done.”

Will headed up our back stairs to our apartment.

About a minute later, Lois added, “…until you’re gone..”

Rest in Peace DealDetectives.com

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

It’s a sad day around here today. I’ve just discovered that dealdetectives.com is no more. At least, it is no more the awesome source for deals it once was and is now just listing coupon codes, a job that so many websites are out there doing already.

Sigh.

But since you’re no more, please, dealdetectives.com, please take off the last awesome deals you listed from the bottom of your site. That Lenovo laptop deal got me so excited, and then broke my heart. No one else needs that kind of pain.