life in the sf bay

Our Rental Resume

by Jennifer Heller on February 13, 2012

We made a huge mistake when we picked our most recent roommate. Huge. I honestly can’t understand where we went wrong, but we picked someone who is so completely non-suited to living with us that it’s almost hilarious. Apparently the expectation that one would do their dishes in a timely manner / pitch in with the housework / not leave rotting food everywhere is a little too much for some people.

He claims he’s moving on, but we don’t really believe it. Our landlord forces us to put our roommates on the lease, so we’re pretty much powerless to force him to leave. Unless I pull out all the bitch in me, which I’m really, really trying to avoid doing. But it is so hard. Last week he left a bowl of rotting rice on the counter for SEVEN DAYS. Will had to ask him to deal with it before it was gone. By the end, it was literally coated in black mold. I almost took a photo to prove it to you guys but that’s just gross.

In the end, this might be a good thing. This foray into terrible-roommate-land has left Will and I wanting our own place. And now we are on the hunt.

With everyone else. We love living in the Temescal neighborhood of Oakland, but there’s not a lot available and a great many people are looking. After our first open house, I knew we needed to do something to make ourselves stand out. I’d heard of the concept of a “Rental Resume” where you summarize why the property owner should choose you. Our attempt after the jump!

Thumbnail image for all in one day I…

all in one day I…

…referenced my recent psychic reading over a cocktail while catching up with a friend… and …bitched to high heaven about a woman discussing what chakras her children were in. Can we say hypocrite??

Thumbnail image for Thinking of taking up church in the New Year?  Need childcare?

Thinking of taking up church in the New Year? Need childcare?

First Presbyterian on Broadway in Oakland isn’t for you.  Despite the playground off to the side, they don’t seem quite sure whether childcare is provided.

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Lost Girl

I really should know better but I lost my chance to ask out this girl I met at a Jonathan Richman show. She’s got cute glasses and wears hats. Her name’s Maya. Hopefully by some miracle she’ll see this. I was too tongue-tied to say anything intelligent at the time, so I’d like to try […]

I love Mannequins

I have a bit of a collection. Apropos of nothing, I spotted a couple of pairs of men’s mannequin legs in some strange places recently. Perched outside of my old stomping grounds, Cloyne Court Hotel & Casino: And adorning some majorly cool person’s desk at the offices of the East Bay Express: I’m thinking it […]

Thumbnail image for Urban Ore: The Best Adventure

Urban Ore: The Best Adventure

We stopped on by Urban Ore last weekend in West Berkeley. I’ve had a bee in my bonnet for awhile now to make coasters out of our stack of lotto tickets.  How cute would that be? I was looking for some used tiles to paste them on before coating them in epoxy.  No luck, but […]

Oakland Nights LIVE!

My old friend Jeremy got a bee in his bonnet to have a talk show. At first I was super jealous. After all, it was just over a year ago when I went through a disastrous dry run holding my own live talk show. I had to put off my dreams of producing my own […]

I’m 30 going on 12

This may or may not be a true story. Today Julia and I were wandering down Fourth Street, a veeerry swanky part of Berkeley, California. We look cute — all dolled up — never mind the holes in Julia’s shirt and the bike shorts I insist on wearing under my skirt. Yeah, we’re cute, and […]

The Bold Italic: Turning Me Green with Envy

The latest thing turning me green with envy is this awesome San Francisco blog, The Bold Italic. Beautifully designed and featuring all kinds of hip, unique and entrancing tales from local SF Bay residents (like me!), reading it gives me a stomach ache. I’m not sure what my favorite part is: the fabulous bios, fantastic […]

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