2012 is upon us. And if the apocalypse doesn’t happen in 2012, chances are it will happen in 2013.* Statistics (and mystics) don’t lie.
<— you’ll be hardpressed to beat my parents on the prep level.
I once asked a Red Cross Volunteer what the difference is between a well-stocked pantry and an earthquake kit is. She said confidently, “An earthquake is packaged to go.”
I’ve given my father this feedback multiple times, but he refuses to listen. I can only pray for his safety.
* come on, you must know that the Mayan calendar predicted that the world would end in 2012?
I coined the following awesome new words over the course of the past few weeks. You’re welcome.
procapalypse
noun
[pro-pok-uh-lips]
one who believes that the apocalypse will happen, nay, must happen.
busicians
noun
[bih-sizh-uh
n]
decisions relating to business, especially important business matters. what do you think of my new words??
I don’t know if you’ve heard, but the Rapture is coming. This Saturday.
Those who are ‘God’s Elect’ will get taken in to heaven. NOTE: You will be taken NAKED. Get a bikini wax and hit the gym.
For those of us who are ‘God’s Elect’ today is the last Monday you will have to suffer. Enjoy it!
For those of us who may not be among ‘God’s Elect’, we have four days to change that. Find a millenarian church service and attend immediately, following all their instructions to a tee.
If you don’t, this Saturday will be the beginning of five months of hell on earth that will end in fiery death on October 21st.
Either way, though, your days are numbered. Quit that job and do something you love for your final days or weeks! It’s what Jesus would have wanted. Are you prepared?
You know someday modern society as we know it is going to collapse and you’re going to need a back up plan. Or you know that it won’t happen. I understand that perspective, but what if it does??!
Just in case, here’s a tip to keep in mind.
Take two black garbage bags. Poke holes in one of them–that’s going to be the inside of your sleeping bag.
Put it inside the other, and fill the area in between the two garbage bags with crumpled newspaper.
The plastic and newspaper will keep you warm; the holes will allow your skin to breathe and the newspaper will absorb your moisture.
For added comfort, pile some newspaper between you and the cold hard ground.
Life is going to be rough, kids.
Thanks to neighbor Jeremy who might just be more paranoid about apocalypse than I am for this great tip which he claims to have read in some book somewhere.
good plan or best plan ever?
