The People Inside My Head

Since Quinn was born, I can go from zero (not stressed) to sixty (“HOLY SHIT HE’S GOING TO GET KIDNAPPED”) pretty much instantly.

Instead of letting my crazy thoughts take control, I have decided to name the different personalities in my head.

That way when I think, “OMG Will’s changing Quinn. Is he going to fall off the changing table?! Did he buckle him in? I hope he buckled him in…”, I know that that’s just Worried Wilma taking control of my brain. Oh hello there, Worried Wilma. Thanks for your input. Let’s move on.

Here are the characters in my head: Continue Reading

On Childbirth & the Reinvention of Self

When I turn my reflexion on myself, I never can perceive this self without some one or more perceptions; nor can I ever perceive any thing but the perceptions. ‘Tis the composition of these, therefore, which forms the self.

– David Hume: Second Thoughts

For the majority of last year, I was creating a tiny human.


An amazing CGI rendition of what happened inside of me…
These twelve minutes stretched over 40 weeks…

While I was in it, I don’t think I realized how much it was taking from me. I had physical symptoms that reminded me that the bulk of the good nutrition I took in was going straight to the baby, but I didn’t really notice that I didn’t have my usual oomph in regards to creative pursuits.

I just pressed on… creating that tiny human… and working at light speed to try to transition to my new business model… Continue Reading

My Impossible Dream of Maternity Leave

I have never felt more alone than I have since I got pregnant.

I’m not alone. I know that. I have a loving family and great friends.

But I don’t have anyone that truly understands what I’ve been going through.

My company is small — I have just one employee and three or four contractors. We used to be bigger, but we’ve gotten leaner as time has gone on.

We’re a services company. In case you’ve never thought about what that means, here’s the basic outline: Continue Reading

The Top Ten Worst Symptoms of Pregnancy

It turns out that we’re having a baby. I see a lot of happy announcements and sonograms in my feed, but not a lot of honest reporting of what pregnancy turns out to really be like.

Maybe this is all part of a giant conspiracy — why would anyone move forward with getting pregnant if they knew what was in store for them? I certainly wouldn’t have finally embarked on the journey with such gusto knowing that I’d be exhausted for the next four months.

Thus, I feel it is my scholarly duty to present my list of the top ten worst symptoms of pregnancy, in order of increasing terror. Each one of these was, at one point in the last four months, the worst pregnancy symptom I had ever experienced. To think I still have five months to go. Aye aye aye. Continue Reading

Six Years of Self-Employment

Today is the sixth anniversary of the day I left my full-time job.

I was 27. I had decided to leave my job one month earlier. I was then acting Development Director — the highest position in the fundraising and marketing branch of my small non-profit. I had worked there off and on since I was 19.

My coworkers were my family. I came to work everyday greeted by people I loved and who loved me (I think…). I worked with students with stars in their eyes; learned all about their hopes and dreams. Watching them party and study, party and study. There were good points. There were bad points.

I looked around my office that fateful day, and I realized… “I’m too comfortable.” Continue Reading