Last August I got it into my head that it would be a good idea to release my series of thirteen (thirteen!) journals as a blog exactly eighteen years later. Uncensored.
Since then, I’ve gone every which way on the question, “Is this a good idea?”
After much deliberation, I decided to change the names of my compatriots and leave everything else UNCENSORED.
Now, I ask you, as I begin to release these journals…
Steve is cute. I think. I’m not sure. Nobody else thinks so. I do not know why I’m attracted to him. He likes me. I think. Larearta says so. On the dusk hike I caught him looking at me. I was laughing. I wonder what was going through his brain. If Steve likes me does Tim know?
Am I pretty?
Is it wrong to like Adrien too? Adrien’s smart. I guess Steve got two B’s and two C’s. I’m not sure. He could have gotten straight F’s or A’s. Not that I want a roket sciencetist, but I want at least one B.
Yes, I just misspelled “rocket” and “scientist” while weighing the importance of my crush’s intelligence.
During Outdoor Ed I was always with Brendan. On the trust walk I was with Shawn. In boy-girl circles I was with Brendan. For the Barnyard Boogie I was with Brendan. What is it, fate? Brendan’s going with Liz, so how come I’m stuck with him?
Outdoor Ed was a week-long overnight camp for 5th graders. The trust walk is where one person is blind folded and you have to hold hands with your partner–a big deal for a young girl!
I’m growing up. I can feel it. Am I pretty? Nanet and Tasha seemed to think so. I don’t know. I’m confused. Next year I’ll be in sixth grade at Pleasanton Middle School. What if I don’t get good grades? What if I have no friends? What if no boys ask me to the dances? I wish Christina was going to P.M.S.
Seriously, the acronym for my middle school was “P.M.S.”
I’m confused. Ana didn’t know who Steve is. She is in love big time. She’s making me be the writer for her notes. Now Peter thinks I like him. Ana says I have the neatest handwriting in the whole fifth grade. Is it true? Does Steve know?
I’m sure that Steve realized that my handwriting was in fact the neatest of everyone in the entire fifth grade.
Jamie likes Steve. That’s something we have in common. Does Steve like me? He’s been on my mind all weekend. Steve is one of the only boys in the fifth grade that doesn’t like somebody. Maybe he doesn’t like someone or likes someone but doesn’t tell anyone.
Does Steve like me? That is the main subject on my mind. If he likes me why won’t he ask me out? Tim doesn’t seem to be afraid to ask girls out. Is Steve nice? I don’t know. I wish I dared tell someone I like him. Kelly seems to be avoiding me lately. She doesn’t go on any walks anymore. I would tell her about Steve.
I’m having day dreams about Steve asking me out. It would be a Friday. I would have just walked into the school yard when Steve would step in front of me and say: “Jennifer can I talk to you? Alone.” Kelly would leave. Steve would then ask me out, nervously, I would consider for a few minutes ask if it was a joke and then say “maybe.” Is Steve considering asking me out? Continue Reading
Tomorrow I have to find out who won the short story contest. I have great faith in The Famous Feline, but I don’t have much self-confidence. Gotta go chrochet.
Obsessed with cats from a young age, The Famous Feline was a story I wrote for a district-wide 5th grade short story writing contest about a talking cat who wants to get into show business (if memory serves…). I have this horrible memory of the teacher reading all the stores aloud so that everyone could vote. I must have been beet red I was so terribly embarassed. It isn’t ever covered in my upcoming diary entries, but mine was one of three stories to be entered into the competition, though I do not believe I won.
How can this be? Becky says she isn’t mad at me. Should I believe it?
Apparently I had still not received any Kudos from Becky.
Today Becky and Alex hung around with me.
Christy got mad because I sat with Carolyn at computers. Then we made up.
Good story Jeopardy contestant!
I still haven’t found out the winners. I think I will tomorrow.
What’s even worse is Steve hasn’t asked me out yet! Does he even like me? Peter found out that Ana likes him.
Steve didn’t ask me out last Friday! Nor did I find out who won the story contest. At least I got an A- on my math test. Should I give up on the fact that Steve might ask me out? He doesn’t see me at all during school. Before and after school are even worse. I have to rush to Carol and he plays basketball til the bell. Maybe he didn’t like me till Oudoor Ed. Maybe he doesn’t like me at all! I really do not know. On Friday Becky was really nice. Alex too. Becky bought lunch. Only have five more bookworms.
I am so ______!!! (mad, ashamed, whats the word?)
If this were a game of mad libs, I’d go with AWESOME.
After the concert (which went great by the way) Becky was really nice. But then she started talking with Sandy and Steve. I felt like a major outcast. It was like the wheel of life just dropped me off, the wrold had been revolving around me, or even I was just plain invisible.
And the Wheel of Life said, “You’re not welcome here any longer, Jennifer Heller.”
Even at the age of 12 I knew that the world revolved around me.
Yes, 12 year old me snuck in a joke about the arbitrary nature of our calendar. At least that’s what I think it was about.
PHONE, PHONE, PHONE!!! That’s all I hear. Well maybe not. Continue Reading