I’m writing on binder paper because I left my diary at Emily’s. I felt that today was to important to write in later.
Well, I guess I’ll begin. At noon Mom asked me to clean my room. Dad was gone, and would be back at 1. So she came in at 12:30, and yelled at me for not getting it done. I had just started on it. We stood there yelling at each other for awhile. Then she left. About five minutes later Mom came back. She told me that if Dad and her got divorced it would be my fault for not cooperating at all. I thought she was just threatening me.
Later, she asked me if I would be coming to Colorado with her or staying here with Dad. I asked her what she meant. She told me that they might be splitting up. I felt like crying then and there but I waited till she left. Then I cried into my pillow for awhile. Then she came in again. She talked to me about it as I cried. After about ten minutes, we asked for a miracle and then she left. Dad got home but I barely talked to him. My eyes were all red.
Dad and Mom sat in their room talking for quite awhile. Almost an hour. I listened for awhile, but after awhile I just couldn’t. Mom and Dad went to the grocery store awhile later to get lunch. We had a huge meal around 4. Mom and Dad seemed to be getting along. At six, I made cookies. At seven we watched “Upstairs Downstairs”, a T.V. show. Mom and Dad were sitting hella close together. For awhile they were holding hands. Later Mom told me that it probably wouldn’t happen. I’m scared, though. Throughout my childhood, I’d ask Dad after a fight between them, if they we’re going to get a divorce. He said, no, of course not. Then I made him promise that they wouldn’t ever get one.
I just never thought that my parents would get a divorce. They still might not. Things seem pretty normal around here. I’m just praying…
That’s not the only thing going on around here, but it’s definately the most upsetting. Tomorrow is the 4th of July. I wanted to do something with the “cool group,” but it looked like it wasn’t going to happen. Anyway last night, Dave called. I broke out in a sweat after he said who it was. He told me that the plan for the 4th is that everybody goes to his house at about 7:00 or 7:15 that night. We’d go swimming at nine, we’d go the the end of the street and watch the fireworks. Then we’d go back to his house and eat dessert. Parents would pick us up at around 10:15.
I really want to go. But when I learned about my parents, I shouldn’t go with them because it might be one of the last family activities. Not to mention the fact that Dad said I couldn’t go. I really want to, though. I need to get away. Every time I see one of my parents, I get scared. I need to have some fun with my friends, and quickly! I’m going crazy I swear! But I won’t push it, in case it would just cause more trouble between my parents.
I just pray for a miracle…