to my readers: a contest

Please help me.

1.I am in dire need of a title to a soap opera.
2.I still sleep on the living room floor.
3.My confidence is shaken.

Let’s address these points in reverse order.

3.My confidence is shaken.

Honestly, I don’t know what you can do about this. Let’s move on, but have it be acknowledged. You can even feel sorry for me a little bit if you like.

2.I still sleep on the living room floor.

Now, I know that I was the cheap one that wanted to live, well…cheaply. But I’m over it. What makes matters worse is that I’m an absolute germaphobe. Really. And this is not a clean living room floor. Many of you have stepped exactly where I sleep with all sorts of BART residue, excrement, what-have-you on your shoes. How do you think that makes me feel when I awake during the night to realize I’ve rolled off my foot-wide camping mat? Well, quite paranoid, actually.

1.I am in dire need of a title to a soap opera. Now this is important.

I have been searching the world for a title to a soap opera, with no luck. As a result, I’m turning to you, my readers, capricious as you may be.

So, anyway, a good soap opera title. It needs to be catchy, and have a good acronym (like DOOL). Plus extra points for being norCal relevant. Submissions will be judged by a committee of fifteen. If you’d like to sit on this committee, let me know.

What do you get out of it?! I’ll put your name somewhere someplace mixed into my top secret project. Next to the produce section of the supermarket. There your name will be: in large captial letters. Title by ______ (insert your name). That could be you! Or your name, anyway.

Participation is NOT optional. Post suggestions as comments on this post. And please remember that I have an invisible stat counter, so I know:

a.) what IP address you’re coming from. Not only does that IP address uniquely identify the computer at which you sit, but I also get a map of the world with a little red dot pointing out exactly where you are.

b.) how many returning visitors that I get. I can compare this number to the number of comments posted on this post, and easily conclude who has and has not posted a suggestion. So, if you’re thinking about skirting this particular duty, know that I’ll track you down. I have already. I know, it’s freaky. But, really, I don’t have much to do. I’m actually really terrified of this blogging habit I’ve developed. I don’t know what’s going to happen when I get a job where I actually have to work.

And you don’t even have to leave my your name! It’s totally fine with me if right by the eggplants, the sign reads:

TITLE BY ANONYMOUS


Or you can reclaim it later. I’m flexible. I might demand proof though, so you might plan ahead.

Oh, and I added a link to the right that says “friends&siblings.” If you want to be a friend/sibling, just let me know. I’ll link to any profile be it myspace, Russian bride, lesbos-for-peace, whatever.

(If Meatwad doesn’t have a friendster profile, such would be a gross, gross oversight on the part of the younger generation, don’t you agree?)

Talk to us

0 thoughts on “to my readers: a contest

  1. So, I was thinking about how much I liked your blog title. Then it hit me (and I’m talking pre-coffee here): why can’t that be your soap opera title? But then it occurred to me that it’s a little…. well, unsoapoperalike. But “daunted,” Susie J, “daunted”!! Well, maybe that’s unsoapoperalike, too. This is what we need: 1) a cliche. A horribly overused cliche like “as the world turns,” or “guiding light.” (?) 2) it should probably reference time, life, or passion. Or hopsitals. Or families. Too bad “Dynasty” has already been used. That’s some good shit. It would be nice if you could incorporate something astrological. Like “Signs,” but then that calls to mind that terrible movie. Maybe something about “retrograde.” Aspects!! Rising signs!! Karmic wheels! I’m tired. I need some coffee.

  2. So, I was thinking about how much I liked your blog title. Then it hit me (and I’m talking pre-coffee here): why can’t that be your soap opera title? But then it occurred to me that it’s a little…. well, unsoapoperalike. But “daunted,” Susie J, “daunted”!! Well, maybe that’s unsoapoperalike, too. This is what we need: 1) a cliche. A horribly overused cliche like “as the world turns,” or “guiding light.” (?) 2) it should probably reference time, life, or passion. Or hopsitals. Or families. Too bad “Dynasty” has already been used. That’s some good shit. It would be nice if you could incorporate something astrological. Like “Signs,” but then that calls to mind that terrible movie. Maybe something about “retrograde.” Aspects!! Rising signs!! Karmic wheels! I’m tired. I need some coffee.

  3. okay, thank God for that extra large Peets, and thus timely inspiration for this one (yet another reason to bring a pen and pad into the bathroom stall with you).

    POOB– i will always love how this rolls off my lips.

    the Pushing Of Our Bowels.

    Oh no! Not a NoCal reference– but relevant to your dissertation perhaps??

  4. okay, thank God for that extra large Peets, and thus timely inspiration for this one (yet another reason to bring a pen and pad into the bathroom stall with you).

    POOB– i will always love how this rolls off my lips.

    the Pushing Of Our Bowels.

    Oh no! Not a NoCal reference– but relevant to your dissertation perhaps??

  5. How about As the Garlic Erupts? It could be about a family of displaced Hungarian peasants with lax morals just trying to get by in the sex-starved fields of Gilroy. And some of them could be vampires, just to complicate matters.

  6. How about As the Garlic Erupts? It could be about a family of displaced Hungarian peasants with lax morals just trying to get by in the sex-starved fields of Gilroy. And some of them could be vampires, just to complicate matters.

  7. I suggest “Howl”

    Oh so norcal, oh so cliche, and definetly including werewolves on Russian Hill. It’s about time the beats got their own soap opera.

  8. I suggest “Howl”

    Oh so norcal, oh so cliche, and definetly including werewolves on Russian Hill. It’s about time the beats got their own soap opera.

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