Tonight, a forecast:

This is how the date with the millionaire is going to go:

He’s going to have his limo driver pick me up at my parents’ house. He won’t know which house is mine (even though they are numbered) and he’ll have to call. Then he’ll come to the door and meet my mom. My mom will smile widely and accept him into our family. He’ll get a little flustered, but he brought me a corsage. A corsage!! Suddenly I like him a little more.

We’ll get into the limo–at which point we’ll have our first conversation ever (in person, anyway)–and drive to the movie theatre. We’ll have a glass of champagne in the limo to celebrate our going out after postponing the date twice. We’ll pick a movie, but the one we decide on won’t start for forty-five minutes. So I’ll spend forty-five minutes wishing I was on a date with someone who smoked. But at least he enjoys a good bottle of champagne!! We’ll leave the limo and walk around Hacienda Crossings, chatting about life and philosophy, and drinking champagne out of paper cups. Or maybe we’ll sit in the theatre and discuss politics and the human genome, and drink it from a flask. Either way, it is good champagne.

Finally the movie will start. He will, or he won’t, try to hold my hand (this prediction is guaranteed 100% accurate).

Then we’ll have dinner. I’ll order a couple glasses of wine. We’ll probably go to the only restaurant I’ve ever worked at. That won’t be ackward at all. At least they bring a jug of wine to the table and don’t keep track. And then I’ll try to pay for myself. But only as a gesture. He’ll see through me, and realize that I don’t actually want to pay for myself. I’ll tell him about my goal to have a million dollars by August. He’ll suggest that he funds one of my crazy entrepreneual schemes. Yes, the date is going well.

He’ll take me home as I’m tired and drunk. But not before we buy plane tickets to Sweden for May Day, and make arrangements for the bar/laundromat to open in June. I say! I’m sooooo lucky. Oakland is too, cause it is severely lacking a bar/laundromat.

Questions? Comment? Cigars? Cigarettes?

0 thoughts on “Tonight, a forecast:

  1. yeah, oakland definitely suffers from a paucity of bars and laundromats. we could also use a liquor store or two, and goddamn, if only i could cash this check or get an exorbitant short-term loan somewhere….

  2. yeah, oakland definitely suffers from a paucity of bars and laundromats. we could also use a liquor store or two, and goddamn, if only i could cash this check or get an exorbitant short-term loan somewhere….

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