RIP Lucid Dreams

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I’ve written a few posts in the past… Turbomode and Turbomode Take Two.

Life sometimes levels up. Shit gets super crazy and insane for a year or two… and then it dies down.

But now I have a kid. And I want another one. So I know, rationally, that this Turbomode has a shelf life of 14 or so years. It is not going to let up.

Somehow after having a baby, I can no longer sit tight with all my ideas. It’s like they are bursting through. The actual feeling of them inside me, undone, is suffocating in a way it never has been. I’m confronted with a choice: do I create or do I sleep? Continue Reading

Bon voyage, best feline friend. Bon voyage, the Guster.

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

This weekend we said goodbye to the Guster.

I first met Gus at a play structure in an apartment complex in Pleasanton, California, in June 2000. My friend James had adopted him.

He could fit in the palm of my hand. He must have been a month old. He was the cutest thing I had ever seen.

He lived with James through the summer but in Fall he and James moved in with me in Cloyne, the student co-op I was living in. James soon moved on but the Guster (known back then as Garfield), was my best friend to stay.

That moment when I met him — when I held him in the palm of my hand — I was 18. It was 17 and a half years ago. Continue Reading

Where does my brain end and do I begin?

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Quinn will be nine months old in two weeks.

I have never loved anything so much as I love this baby. I thought for sure that when he came home from the hospital, I would have gained a third child, a sibling in my affection to our existing two cat children.

Nope. From the moment he was born, I had one kid and two cats.

Parenthood is hard.

I knew it would be hard, but, damn, it is hard. It’s hard in a new way because as soon as we’ve hit a rhythm, he grows a new arm or a leg or all of a sudden starts puking small amounts of food all over all my clothes. And we have to roll with the punches. And they just keep coming.

Despite how hard it is — how hard it’s been — I’ve spent a lot (A LOT) of time staring at Quinn with little hearts in place of the pupils in my eyes. “Oh you darling, boy… oh how cute it is when you puke… how adorable you suckle… how hilariously you throw Mama’s phone on the floor!”

And you know why?? Continue Reading

I’m Afraid of DT, Nuclear Bombs and the Fate of Our Planet

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Shit’s gotten both super real and totally bat-shit insane lately. It’s hard to even watch late night TV (nevermind the news) because everything is so terrifying.

My therapist introduced me to The Work of Byron Katie, and I’ve posted about it before. I love the way she uses worksheets to help you systematically turn around the thoughts that are causing you grief. I regularly turn to her One-Believe-at-a-Time Worksheet to tackle feelings and beliefs that I just can’t shake.

If, like me, you’re freaking out right now, I recommend watching this video. I found it both entertaining and lightening.

I also recommend sunshine, exercise, ice cream and kitten videos in case you need more support (and who could blame you).

The Wheels on the Bus Extender Pack

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

We recently returned from our first vacation with the baby. The baby unlocked all sorts of badges like Baby’s First Camping Trip, Baby’s First Foot in the Ocean, Baby’s First Foot in the River and Baby’s First Road Trip.

We also got to unlock a couple exciting badges such as 100 Times Singing that Monkey on the Bed Song and Longest Ever Rendition of the Wheels on the Bus.

Knowing that I can’t be the first parent with a little one who hollers unless you keep singing, I thought I’d share our extended version of the Wheels on the Bus song.

Start with the tried and true…

The wheels on the bus go round and round, Continue Reading

The Many Changes of Parenthood: In Graphs

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Whoever said…

The more things change the more they stay the same.

…has definitely NEVER had a baby. Quinn turns six months old tomorrow. I can’t believe how little time has passed; it feels like an eternity. There have been some marked changes in my life since he joined us. I felt like these would be best represented in graphs:

use of concealer Continue Reading